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lirik lagu gei lian – lil brownbunny

i am a woman with a full heart, hidden somewhere in an empty room – with eyes not quite of autumn’s gold, and yet neither all of summer’s green.

i wonder if love is a tale made for children, a granting of sweet dreams in their innocence – a honey-coating to help their throats choke down the bitter drought.

i hear a voice that whispers warnings, half-formed, bodiless as hope, until i swear i cannot draw another breath unless this specter be unmasked. his lies mangled – neath my righteous tread.

i see a woman, proud, uncompromising, that fall in desolation about her weary feet, diaphanous as air – less, even, than the tears salt poison pooled upon the withered ground.

i want a measure of quietude, a certain silence, the echo of alone which heals me of dreaming, the nothing that stills the wanting, the numb, the cold that laughs at pain.

i am a woman, hidden. i pretend that i can live forever, that time has no puissant but that which i afford him. and so, i can wait, i can be happy tomorrow. sleep is for the dead; but it’s ghosts haunt my waking.

i feel too much – too deeply to be directionless, too real for imagining. and yet the familiar eyes hold nothing of recognition only my reflection; a meeting of shadows in sunlit gl-ss.

i touch the downy wings of hope, in wonder, in reverence, in need, in hunger. alas, it burns my fingers as a flame, a sacrilege, self-defined.

i worry that i am alone; that in my longing i have forsaken all. but oh, what reward, what smile divine should light the path to freedom. and how can i, but heed the siren’s call?

i cry for having too much, for fear of bursting. and then, when by the pouring of my soul; i lie, a vessel emptied. i cry again for what was had, and lost;

i am a woman, empty.

i understand that life is what you make it. that sometimes the coat of many colors that marks your triumphs, brightly blends only to loneliest of grey.

i say that we are made by life, shaped, broken, perhaps unmade and voided. but always the core of us remains, waiting with only faith, with trust – to be reborn.

i dream of bluest waters, reaching with unnatural hands toward the faded sky, of dolphins that wander in seas without limits, carrying me water-breathing past corals and clouds.

i try to lead by example; knowing that merely the telling holds no power. a gift of giving is merely a day, while a gift of knowing spans forever.

i hope that my darkness holds you gently – that pain is halved by sharing, that feeling wields nothing past the words it summons. except that it touch you with only healing.

i am a woman, only.

- lil brownbunny

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