“i don’t like old people”
wanna know what makes me mad?
people older than seventy
they’re always like
“ehhh…back in my day,
the year was 1903”
they say they know everything
but they can’t do sh-t without your help
“you kids with your sort-sleeve shirts…
eh…i just cr-pped myself…”
old -ss grandpas all sit outside
and b-tch about how sh-t used
to cost a dime.
they run us over,
why can’t they drive?
“well, back in my day,
negroes gave us piggy-back
i just don’t like old people
’cause they want everyone to
wipe their b-tts
“wait there’s more!”
old people are f-cking dumb
they always want to you tell about
“back in the war, uphill both ways”
old people won’t never be quiet
well, i guess they will when they die
because they got alzheimers and
“well, at least i don’t have alzheimers”
they drive those high-tech scooters
and they can’t work cell-phones
we gotta stand in line all day
at the self-checkout
because they think its magic
old -ss white boys
think that they’re smart
“huhhhh…i invented the wheel…and fire……and farts”
they’re all good christians…
“’cause i knew christ”
they need him now, because…
“i’m deaf and blind”
old people, get off the road!
why don’t y’all
ever flush the toilet bowl
“ehhh…how do i work this thing?”
and the pope is as old as dirt
and he lets people
touch young little boys
“ehhh…guess who’s got some candy?”
i dont like old geezers, they think that…
“russian people did that 9/11 day…”
they spend their life on the porch smoking their pipe,
and calling everyone else lazyyyyy
you wanna know why i really hate them?
because their gonna die soon, so i get attached, ya know?
let’s take grandpa out on the boat one last time and drop him off
to swim off peacefully into the night
here you go, gramps.
ah, grandpa sure did love the ocean.
that’s the way he would’ve wanted it.
ya know? i can still hear his voice…
i sure am gonna miss that old f-ggot!
f-ck them old people (cause they all)
take a dump in their diapers
“there’s my raisin bran!”
old people like apple-sauce
and they all
call coca-cola, soda pop
“eh…don’t drink too much soda pop”
old people belong in a
old age home
they’re too old to live with u
“but i built this house!”
old people are dumb as f-ck
all their teeth fall out
when they chew apples
“where they go?”
“eh…what’s with all these sports you play these days?
ski…that’s a sport
if not for the hill, they’d be standing still there
all these channels you have on your television
back in my day, the radio had two channels