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lirik lagu more tea vicar – macc lads

my bird rang up just the other day, she said:
“get round fast, me folks have gone away. they’ve
booked two weeks in torremolinos”
i was round in a flash with a rock hard p-n-s.
threw her down on her mum and dad’s bed- skirt up,
knickers off, legs well spread.
one second after i’d filled up her tw-t, she shouts:
“f-ck pig and -rs-hole! me mum and dad’s back!”
ran to the kitchen, pretend nowt’s afoot- spic b-st-rds
on strike, airport shut.
“yes, reverand, no reverand,” polite chit-chat,
then i saw a dribble and i heard a splat…
(wee-splat!) glodge of j-sm’s landed on the floor
left foot on the b-st-rd, vicar chats about the war
(wee-splat!) another glob on the ‘welcome’ mat,
if i stretch my right leg, i’ll get my foot on the tw-t

my bird leans over and quietly whispers:
“nip upstairs and try and find me knickers.”
“if they catch me up there, i’ll get shot, besides, i
can’t move- i’m stuck to the spot,
and keep your knees together, stop moving about,
there’s all manner of gear falling out of your clout.”
“… and this band you’re in, is it heavy metal?”
christ almighty! she’s over by the kettle!

(wee-splat!) drop of sp-nk’s landed by the cooker
threw my jacket down and covered up the f-cker
(wee-splat!) if he missed that c-nt, the old git needs
spectacles
how much yoghurt do i keep in my t-st-cl-s?

sticky pattern on the lino getting bigger and bigger,
“garden looks nice, more tea vicar?”
“now then son, you been sh-gging our louise?
there’s one of her p-b-s stuck in your teeth,
and my f-cking floor’s covered in bladder adder snot,
may the lord strike you down dead upon this spot!”
he slips in the slime and lands on his bot,
and i thought god would be a better shot.

- macc lads

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