petrov, yelyena, and me. lost, but happy, at sea
petrov and yelyena said to me “shouldn’t we have something to eat?”
well, i say “there are plenty of fish in the sea”
but all they can see… is me.
they say, “any last requests?” biding my time, i say “yes.
i want to party, just we three. lost, but happy at sea.”
so we drank all night from the keg
i p-ssed out, then awoke with one leg
i said, “petrov, have you seen my leg?”
he said “no” and he went back to bed….
but he looked suspiciously well fed.
three days later they were hungry again
they said, “any last requests, my friend, again?”
i said, “do you know any rolling stones?
you know, like you’re at a rock concert going ‘more, more!'”
[spoken] “ahh, it was a hilarious hilarious moment in a very bleak bleak time of my life.”
so we danced all night to the rolling stones,
when i awoke they were chewing on bones.
yelyena was supping blood from a cup,
that’s when i knew something was up.
[spoken] “hey petrov?”
“what is that you’re eating?”
“it looks likea meat.”
“ohhhhh, this? it’s umm, one of those, umm…..fish.”
“how come it looks so much like my arm?”
“it’s an…. arm fish.”
“what about the fingers?”
“well, you see, the thing is, my arm seems to haveabeen hacked off at the elbow last night. i was just wondering if you might have seen it.”
“oh, yeah, look at that, no arm over there. oh… don’t you hate it when that happens? i don’t know, um… you were very drunk last night. perhaps you lost it?.. in a fair game of chance.”
“oh, you’re probably right.”
“yeah, you know how it is when we’re drunk.”
“‘you say ‘i’ll bet my arm'”
“just relax. enjoy the sea, and have some more… fish.”
four months now lost at sea,
my friends have almost finished me.
now they are using recipes….
[spoken] tonight, we are having some ‘me goering’
“but wait, this ‘you goering’ is absolutely delicious. you should come over here right away and try some, you really would be proud of yourself.”
“how can i?! you have eaten all of my leg!”
“ooooooooooooh… someone obviously isn’t getting any.”
late that night, while they were asleep,
i swallowed some -rs-nic to poison my meat
i was very ill, but revenge is so sweet…
unlike the last meal my comrades would eat.
[spoken] “yes, eat it all up. not so sweet all of a sudden, hmm?”
when i awoke, they were already dead
all that was left of me was my head…
no, not dead, just a head.
lost, but happy, at sea.
lost, but lonely, at sea.
lost, but so lonely…