[operator:] suicide hotline, may i help you?
[violent j:] yeah… uhh… well i’m about to f-cking kill myself…
[operator:] listen you don’t want to do that, ok? you don’t want to do that.
[violent j:] i’m gonna… eh… there’s so many f-cking reasons why i don’t even need to be here anymore.
[operator:] there’s no reason
[violent j:] i’m gonna put a slug in my f-cking head!
[operator:] you don’t want to do that, you want to be here on earth, ok?
[violent j:] f-ck that sh-t man! i got a gun right now.
[operator:] put it away
[violent j:] …and i got it right under my chin, man, f-ck that!
[operator:] take it away from your chin.
[violent j:] i’m gonna blow my head all over the f-cking ceiling
[operator:] no you’re not, ok?
[violent j:] f-ck this sh-t man…
[operator:] just talk to me, ok?
it ain’t no point to me waking up,
everybody’s time i’m taking up,
i got n-body, it ain’t a shoulder near,
i can’t stay here & it’s colder there,
i don’t wanna look back ’cause it’s gonna hurt,
i slice my wrist & it’s gonna squirt,
for me everybody holds a hate,
i get backstabbed & everybody holds the stake,
it’s no roads to take, i’m in a circle drive,
busting at myself & i’m trying to survive,
i’ll disappoint you, & i will let you down,
and i ain’t got many home boys coming around,
you don’t understand, so don’t say you do,
i swear i’ll put a motherf-cking slug in you,
i’m the only one,
the lonely one,
at home alone loading a gun, thinking “why not?”
“why not? why would you wanna die?
okay, you have feelings inside your head, okay?
i understand that feelings lead to depression
when you have depression, you have a lonely void inside of your heart, okay?
and your heart means everything to the world, okay?”
i got court coming up, i stole a truck.
i got a b-tch pregnant & i’m broke as f-ck,
i wanna get high but i got p-ss test,
i’m always first name on top of the sh-t list,
get this, the witch has made my chest
it’s permanent nightly visiting nest,
it ain’t no clothes that i look good in,
i’m the motherf-cking big red train that couldn’t,
i got no family, i stole they sh-t,
restraining orders & i still won’t quit,
i hit rock bottom & then i fell in a hole
and then i fell through the floor of that hole some more,
i been missing for a year, n-body’s looking,
i got beat down & my sh-t tooken,
i look ahead & all i see is more of the same,
or this self-inflicted bullet hole pouring my brain
“ooooooookay, i understand that you’re in pain, okay?
i understand everything you’re going through
i’ve been there myself, okay?
now, your pain is my pain,
alright? and i feel your pain, and i wanna be your friend
just me and you, friends”
i dream about cutting heads off with a shovel,
the dreams are getting serious, think i’m in trouble,
i don’t hold memory for more than an hour,
i’m tired as f-ck & i’m drained of power,
i ain’t half way there & i’m all out of time,
i’m like a crushed light bulb, all out of shine,
i’ve been around the world but no place is home,
i wanna see the other side when i face this chrome,
i’m b-tt naked, i’ve been jacking off, getting drunk,
it’s my last hours alive, who gives a f-ck?
it don’t matter,
i’m doing the sh-t in the garage,
trying to make it easier for them to clean my head splaage,
this b-tch i loved, i hope she finds me,
still up in the chair with my thoughts behind me
i’m about to do it,
can you hold for a second?
[operator:] wait a min!
[violent j:] h-llo?
[girl:] hey what’s up?
[violent j:] where you at?
[girl:] right down the street?
[violent j:] with who?
[girl:] my girl shannon, we were wondering if we could stop by
[violent j:] well sh-t yeah… com’on… bye
[violent j:] yeah hey…
[girl:] i know bring some blunts
[violent j:] uh huh, alright, bye
[priest leading in “lord’s prayer”:]
so we pray, our father lord be together.