the buffoon and the dean of admissions
“and now a buffoon’s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.”
[dean:] “well michael, i would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and i understand
you are interested in matriculating here in the fall.”
[buffoon:] “i got a snake, man!”
[dean:] “yes, pets are welcome here on campus.
be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile.”
[buffoon:] “one time i fed it some beer man! it was slithering this way and that!
it was all f-cked up!”
[dean:] “i’m sure it was.
well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students
and pets here on campus.”
[buffoon:] “f-ckin’ sh-t!”
[dean:] “yes, that’s a not uncommon reaction to this policy.
so tell me a little bit more about your background.”
[buffoon:] “my father’s a f-cking -sshole, man!”
[dean:] “hmm, i see. your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son.”
[buffoon:] “my mother’s a piece of sh-t too!”
[dean:] “well, i hope you can find an outlet for your hostility
over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed
and ready to learn.”
[buffoon:] “my teacher in high school was a stupid b-tch, man!
she had her head way up her -ss!”
[dean:] “well the quality of the faculty at a university
such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school.”
[buffoon:] “your secretary’s a real fat b-tch, man!”
[dean:] “yes, she’s tried many diets over the years with minimal success.”
[buffoon:] “i had diarhea last month. i had to sh-t all f-cking day!”
[dean:] “uh huh, well we all get the occasional stomach bug,
never a pleasurable experience.
so have you given any thought to your choice of major?”
[buffoon:] “i’ve got a big f-cking b-n-r right now.”
[dean:] “i see. well s-xual arrousal is not uncommon during periods
of nervous tension. i do not take offense.”
[buffoon:] “one time i ate my neighbors sh-t!”
[dean:] “that’s understandable. well, i enjoyed meeting you.
we’ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month.”
[buffoon:] “i bet you got really hairy b-lls.”
[dean:] “yes, it’s a veritable forest down there. bye bye.”