the buffoon and the valedictorian
“and now the buffoon’s date at the drive-in with the school’s valedictorian.”
[valedictorian:] “i really appreciate you’re asking me out.
most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.”
[buffoon:] “this movie sucks sh-t!”
[valedictorian:] “well, ebel gave it thumbs up,
but ciscel thought it was too preachy.
anyway, i enjoyed the director’s last film immensly.”
[buffoon:] “cathleen turner has big f-ckin’ t-ts!”
[valedictorian:] “yes, well, she recently had a child.
i think her maternal biology may play a role in that.
she looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn’t she?”
[buffoon:] “i put a firecracker in a bullfrog’s mouth and blew his f-ckin’ head off.”
[valedictorian:] “well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.”
[buffoon:] “that girl in the f-cking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.”
[valedictorian:] “well, i guess she’s strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.”
[buffoon eating popcorn]
[buffoon:] “this popcorn’s f-ckin’ terrible. it tastes like someone j-zzed all over it.”
[buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
[valedictorian:] “well the amount of s-m-n on this popcorn is certainly disturbing.
perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome
by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.”
[buffoon:] “i looked at my -sshole in the mirror today. it blew my f-ckin’ mind!”
[valedictorian:] “it’s ironic that parts of one’s body seems odd
and unusual because you don’t see them on a day to day basis.
[buffoon:] “my father’s sh-t stinks up the bathroom all f-ckin’ day!”
[valedictorian:] “it’s puzzling why one person’s fecal odor can be more overpowering than another’s.
i wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person’s internal metabolism.”
[buffoon:] “i’m gonna go get head from that f-ckin’ girl.”
[gets out of the car]
[valedictorian:] “well, i’m sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.”
[buffoon walking away]
“i do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.”
[buffoon:] “i like to p-ss in that guy’s f-ckin’ gas tank!”
[valedictorian:] “bye bye! have fun.”
[buffoon continues to walk away]