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lirik lagu vertebrae – christine fellows

a photo essay of a family in mourning
perforated ever-so-slightly
to better let the light seep through

sunday traffic clears a path
we float inches above the road
close our eyes and drive so slow
like we never need to get home

to clear the doorstep of flowers
throw open the blinds in his empty room
avert our eyes from his fingerprints
is there something i’m forgetting?

fall to my knees in the hospital parking lot
on the way in arms full of branches
i am dead fall, dead fall

last time i came here to visit him
i ran sunburnt through the halls
my arms full of tiger-lilies
i don’t remember this
i was told to go home

clear the doorstep of flowers
throw open the blinds in his empty room
avert my eyes from his fingerprints
is there something i’m forgetting?

why, when you know you should go,
is it so hard to leave?

why, when you know you should go…

came this far to say goodbye to set things right
instead i fiddle with his blankets fetching coffee
no one will drink
i am not prepared

through the hush of debts and the roar of engines
we’ll struggle to recall
this is how it ended
this is how it ends

home,
turn the key in the door and pause
for what seems like an awfully long time
there’s something i’m both remembering and forgetting
a name on the tip of my tongue

why, when you know you should go,
is it so hard to leave?

why, when you know you should go…

- christine fellows

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