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best buy vs radio shack - epic rap battle parodies lyrics

[intro: announcer (nathan provost)]
epic rap battle parodies!
best buy!
vs!
radioshack!
begin!

[verse 1: best buy employee (01legofan)]
when it comes to gadgets and gizmos, you know we’re the coolest
leave radioshack’s radio smashed, they called me sound of music
you won’t have our geek squad on standby when i break you down
ever since the 60’s, we’ve had the best buys all round
because best buy’s got the.. best products
we live the… best lives, so take a… rest on it
we’ve carried the industry, your workers barely lift hard
choke you out with f*cking plastic like we did to the gift card

[verse 2: radioshack employee (mr. jay)]
cute disses, they don’t matter to me
you’re looking low on energy, why don’t you have a free battery
call me nathan fielder, because i’m stealin’ your co
the only thing more bankrupt than me… is your flow, yo
look at your ceo, i think that guy gotta know
don’t have an affair with a co*worker
these ain’t your prices man, no need to go low
you best buy yourself some time on vacation
before you get hit with a new allegation
about how you enslaved people in all the stations
and ruined the market for generations
[verse 3: lowe’s employee (chaotic rap battles)]
did somebody say lowe? imma show you how to get low low low low low low
it’s lowe’s, ready to show you some home improvement
you little geek squad f*ckers, let me start seeing some movement
i got a lightbulb idea, let me bring your b*tches to my lair
got so lowe with them hoes, the b*tches called me hardware
check out the lawn and garden section, show you what’s in store
although with how you guys look, i don’t think you go outdoors
i don’t think you guys do chores, i don’t think you guys get wh0res
and after seeing your houses, start cleaning the floors

[verse 4: dollar general employee (light iwnl)]
all these overpriced nonsense, imma make that dollar holler, b*tch
let’s show ’em how we do it up in the general
it’s closing time for all these retail rejects
the dg mc can cash out and leave checks
i’m the homegrown hero for any small town
i’ll beat these techies black and yellow then they’ll call a code: brown
lowe’s? what a joke! did home depot get a flu?
your cancerous sawdust makes all the customers achoo
all the way from kentucky, i spread worldwide, sonnys
now bow down to your dollar general, and give me 20$

[verse 5: amc employee (woodenh*rnets)]
beep beep b*tch, amc’s boutta switch
gettin the box office billions, boutta toss you in a ditch
none of you are as clean as my movie theater store
*tshk* “jeffrey, we need a vomit clean up in theater four” (god dammit!)
playing the greatest hits that you’ve ever done seen
lowe’s is a ho, and best buy is just mean
radioshack is just radiowack
dollar general prevents us from selling our snacks
sh*t is minimum wage, and the customers bl**dy suck
not satisfied with the movie? i don’t give a f*ck
[verse 6: tops employee (woodenh*rnets)]
coming upstate, here to kick down your doors
yeah, tops never stops, giving you more
we’re the king of the discounts, it’s practically free
if there were a supergod store it’d definitely be me
the spotless d*mn spot, tops always leaves it clean
*bzzt* attention! vomit clean up on aisle three
uhh, ignore that. anyways, we got the best share
dollar general? f*ck you, and the people who work there

[verse 7: yankee candle employee (hippie rat)]
what’s that smell? some abhorrent gorish store
yeah, tops never mops, look at the floor
like my name says, i’m a yankee doodle dandy
with candles smelling dandy, from pumpkin to candy
best buy’s devices catch on fire like one of my wicks
radioshack, b*tch, i don’t think you exist
on black friday, everybody comes to me and parks it
while lowe’s is leftovers from walmart vs target

[verse 8: trader joe’s employee (ydgeon)]
you all sell your cr*ppy garbage and act like it’s dope
but we made cookie b*tter, just be careful, don’t choke
that stuff’s even thicker than b*tches at a kroger, see
i talked to joe mamas, and i ate the booty like groceries
we got carrots, spices, and all of those taters big as freighters
i’d offer some to you guys, but you’re all just traitors
every hipster loser at yankee candle is non grato
trader bros, we deliver to the markets on the pr*nto
[verse 9: 7/11 employee (01legofan)]
this battle’s looking a little bit low on fuel
i’d give some to lowe’s but that place is filled with tools
yankee candle seemed alright, but their candles stink of ass
*groan* while i got a lot of stuff in the front, such as gas
we got chicken rollers, pizza, and bbq to serve thee
try to get one of them down and you might win a free slurpee
we out in the streets, got big bites for days
*gasp* just don’t come after midnight, you’ll get sprayed

[verse 10: jcpenney employee (skeep☆tieel)]
dude, you got vomit all over my new sweater
i’ll shut down your locations after sending you a letter
7/11? open 24/7, go home you b*st*rd
we should call you 9/11, cuz yous a disaster
better than macy’s, they don’t have my kinda gucci shoe shoes
tops should drop, radiosmack, yankee doodle doo doo
i’ll whip you with a belt, only worth a f*cking 20
even though my clothes ain’t cheap, they’re still worth a penny

[verse 11: cvs employee (hayden forbes)]
i don’t, have any drugs that’d make your verse not suck
jcpenney? seriously? that sounds bougie as f*ck
it’s cvs, stands for certainly victorious sound
and i’ll diss any retail fails, from best die to stankee clown
come get your vaccine, we promise it’s free
but some cough medicine? that’s a phenomenal fee
pay up honey, you listen or your body’s a goner
prescribe you some rap flow, it’s only 25 hundred dollars

[verse 12: michaels employee (nathan provost)]
yo yo yo yooo, did somebody say dollars?
’cause uh, my store makes a lot of dollars, uhhhhhh
yo yo yo, it’s the arts and crafts with the sharpest raps
selling the parts for cash, strappin’ spectacular stacks
just ask froggs, i’ve helped make so many suits, it’s absurd
want some lettered blocks? well we got a*words and b*words
yeah it’s michael michaels, crush you with some motorcycles
then i’ll glue you back together, then stick you to the kitching tiles
cvs, your drugs are nothing to sniffing my paint thinner
and 7/11, a meatball ain’t a f*cking dinner

[verse 13: ikea employee (dr. dee)]
did somebody say meatb*lls? i got a sweet dish for you
it’s the swedish, with the meatiest store in the crew
want a fancy new table? (huh?) set it up yourselves
don’t understand the instructions? (huh?) go to f*cking h*ll
i got an ikea, i’m gonna construct you a f*cking noose
don’t get lost in my horror store, sh*t look like da backrooms
ikea stands for i know everything advanced
so i’m gonna kick radiosack and steal j.c.’s pants

[verse 14: party city employee (froggy)]
some of your verses were okay, but mostly partly sh*tty
it’s business in this town, but a party in the city
selling costumes and makeup, i’m why this series exists
making a creepypasta battle? that’s what the point of the mask is
but if you’re looking to play tupac, please let me say
that party city does not condone our black paint for black face
i’m disgraced that you think it’s okay to appropriate
if you misuse my gifts, i’ll slit your throat with this paper plate
our confetti cannon blows michael’s strainers away
and our product is doper than cvs’s any day
you party p**pers need to leave, you’re ruining the scene
i own this parking lot from graduation to halloween

[verse 15: autozone employee (cagayakegirlz)]
did somebody say…parking lot?
vroom, vroom, move b*tch, get out the way
autozone is driving home these sales all day every day
we got the hardest theme music, oil running through our bones
you think you’re manlier than us? you better “get out the zone”
no more parties in your city, you ain’t making kids happy, dude
my tank is full of gas after i eat ikea’s nasty food
call me auto octavious with my dastardly bars
i know where things are when i hear—”my car!!!”

[verse 16: barnes & n0ble employee (violent remark)]
pick up a book and read it you f*cking r*t*rd f*cks
my energy’s unmatched, b*tch we got a f*cking starbucks
and we got books around the nation, yeah we go global
i’ll melt down your stores to rubble, call me barnes and chern0ble!!!
i couldn’t give less of a sh*t about you f*cking dumb stores (stores)
f*ck you! i sell culture and the people beg for more (more)
put you all against the wall! bang bang, grab your spinal
shove a pen through your body, spin you round like a vinyl!!

[verse 17: d*ck’s sporting goods employee (investigateur)]
i be sporting the biggest d*ck in every spiffy buildin’
michael’s the biggest pr*ck selling paper cuts to children
think my name is pretty dirty? i shoot my b*lls into holes
sleep with all your mamas, i call that sh*t a goal
trader joe’s? you make every customer a fat f*ck
dollar general? i could buy your location for a buck
in the plaza, everyone chants my name all around
it’s like a f*ckin’ sports stadium, it’s all about the sound!

[verse 18: spencer’s employee (will iwnl)]
with my handcuffs on standby, i got this battle on lock
i came after you, because i sensed some sported c*ck
we got rick and morty shirts, f*cking wub a lubba dub dub
we got lubricants for days, rub a lubba rub rub
we have bongs shaped like d*cks, we got soaps shaped like d*cks
we got shirts that say “live laugh love”, and ones that have some d*cks
come to our locations if you’re quite the money spender
now get into your sucking positions, and bow down to spencer’s

[verse 19: netflix employee (zodiackiaran)]
nice gifts ya got, but i’m the illest with the dopest sk!ll
it’s netflix, b*tches namedrop me when they wanna chill
i’ll k!ll you when i’m ready, just watch it on the telly
people staying indoors these days, hindsight, 2020*
*gets shot*

[verse 20: blockbuster employee (quinton reviews)]
it’s blockbuster, slicing netflix like a boxcutter
make you c*cks suffer, if i go down, i’m taking you f*cks under
no demolition can destroy the legacy i’ve made
i provided entertainment, you provided the paid
netflix and chill? you never got laid
d*ck’s sporting goods? oh baby, behave
spencer’s gifts? how about you shove a d*ld* in your ass
i set a bunch of traps in autozone’s parts such as gas
party city claimed that they own this whole series? that’s cap
cvs? medicine won’t save you from these poison raps
you’re cool jcpenney, ha! jk, your clothes are nasty
7/11? i’ll curb stomp your block gladly
who shops for fake food at trader joe’s? none that i can tell
yankee candle? half your products got no d*mn smell
barnes & n0ble? weli i do think that they should go f*ck themselves
tops never stops? i wish you’d start cleaning up the shelves
michaels, your arts n’ crafts worth any jack sh*t
amc theater? more like am*quit f*cker you d*mn critic
dollar general? i’ve seen stuff cost less at a wal*mart
lowe’s? what even are you? ace hardware for reta*
rrrrradioshack, ain’t coming back, it’s a shame you even tried
best buy’s the guy to trust when you want all your computers fried
no matter what you sell, and no matter what we see
i’m the f*cking guy that changed the entire movie industry
i was the library for movies exclusively, gave adults and children fantasy
horror, drama, war, history, f*cking comedy fantastically, masterfully
i’m a media empire, and though my fame was tarnished
i will never be forgotten, somebody had to start this
and though you pay respects to my fallen movie cattle
great stores live forever, and that’s the message of this battle
so while you’re loading netflix, and flipping through the app
just remember who busted first, blockbuster is the last

[outro: announcer (nathan provost)]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide!
epic epic epic epic epic
rap rap rap rap rap
battle battle battle battle
parodiiiieeeeeeeesssss b*tches

- epic rap battle parodies lyrics

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