heavy through my body. pummeled but hopeful. turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain, turn my eyes away from worthless things (psalm 119: 36-37). the still and silent contender speaks words like bullets punch the air, soft yet with weight enough to run me though. my soul, wait in silence (psalm 130: 5). now my heart is troubled and what shall i say? father save me from this hour? no it was for this very reason that i came (john 12: 27). the shadows of the valley, light eclipsed and unseen, yet existenteven inside myself. do not be afraid only believe. glory strength never scathed me like that. i’m at a loss for even contemplation. only awe and the prospect of distant possibilities. but for now, since i cannot see let the spirit’s plea inside my mind (heart) radiate. “father glorify your name” (john 12: 28). but for now, since i cannot hear (see), let the aching flesh be silent, still, and wait. and i reach my hands underneath the faucet, turned clockwise to it’s end, and i hold my dirty hands under for a drip.