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ashes on polaroids - prithwish adhikary lyrics

ashes on polaroids scattered across my bedroom floor like burnt memories refusing burial
every photograph curled at the edges from cigarette heat and trembling hands
faces frozen smiling beneath chemical nostalgia while real life rotted somewhere off camera
funny how pictures preserve moments but never the emotional aftermath

motherf*cker wе looked immortal in those snapshots
cheap liquor glowing ambеr beneath apartment lights
friends laughing loud enough to drown our private catastrophes temporarily
her head resting against my shoulder like forever wasn’t already decomposing quietly behind the scenes

now there’s ashes on polaroids
tiny grey remnants of everything we swore mattered eternally
smoke rising from burned corners like prayers escaping damaged lungs
the room smelling like fire, dust, and unresolved grief

b*tch i started burning memories because keeping them felt heavier than destroying them
not out of anger
more like spiritual exhaustion
like trying to clean ghosts from the walls before they fully possessed the atmosphere
like cutting emotional wires before they electrocuted me again

one photo showed us outside a church after midnight
she wore black lipstick and innocence damaged beautifully by experience
i wore a leather jacket hiding bruises n0body asked about
we looked like runaway saints escaping heaven together
another captured my friend before addiction hollowed him completely
eyes still bright
smile still genuine
before needles and loneliness turned his spirit into abandoned architecture
before funerals replaced future plans permanently

f*ck memory is cruel because it edits pain aesthetically over time
makes destruction look poetic beneath soft lighting and distance
turns trauma into vintage colors and meaningful soundtracks
meanwhile the actual experience felt messy as blood on bathroom tiles

i sat cross legged on the floor with a lighter in one hand
polaroids spread around me like tarot cards predicting emotional collapse
each image another tiny coffin preserving pieces of myself i no longer recognized
each smile another lie n0body noticed quickly enough

the apartment stayed silent except for crackling paper and passing traffic outside
city lights bleeding through blinds like artificial halos across the walls
somewhere nearby a couple argued violently through thin concrete
love always sounds closest to warfare before it dies completely

ashes on polaroids
that’s what nostalgia becomes eventually
not warmth
not comfort
just evidence that happiness once existed briefly before reality reclaimed everything violently
i remember her perfume vividly in those days
cherry smoke and expensive sadness
she used to kiss my forehead after panic attacks like blessing cursed scripture
now even her absence carries emotional fingerprints across my nervous system

motherf*cker i tried throwing the photos away normally first
couldn’t do it
something about physically destroying memories felt more honest than abandoning them quietly in trash bags
like grief deserves ceremony even when n0body survives it properly

one picture almost made me stop
we were lying on motel sheets laughing at absolutely nothing
no performances
no trauma bonding
no manipulative silence
just two exhausted souls accidentally happy for one fragile second

that image hurt worse than betrayal ever could

because it proved love had been real at least temporarily
and temporary beauty might be the cruelest thing god invented
giving humans glimpses of eternity inside moments guaranteed to disappear afterward

the flame touched the corner slowly
orange light eating through our smiling faces with terrifying elegance
smoke curling upward like departed spirits
and suddenly i felt guilty for surviving memories other people still lived inside emotionally
b*tch people talk about moving on like it’s linear
like healing means clean endings and inspirational growth
truth is some nights you sit alone burning photographs because your chest can’t carry the weight anymore
truth is grief mutates instead of leaving

i kept one polaroid untouched beside the others’ ashes
just one
her standing beneath rain outside a convenience store at 2 am
eyes tired
smile crooked
hands buried inside my hoodie sleeves

that photo felt sacred somehow
not because the relationship succeeded
but because it captured us honestly
two broken motherf*ckers trying desperately to keep each other warm in a freezing world

outside thunder rolled across the skyline slow as divine anger
rain started hitting the windows aggressively
the room fl!ckering between darkness and lightning like unstable memory itself
even nature looked emotionally overwhelmed tonight

ashes covered my fingertips by then
grey dust staining my skin like evidence from emotional crimes
i rubbed them together absentmindedly thinking about mortality
thinking about how eventually every relationship becomes either memory or lesson
sometimes both simultaneously

the lighter finally died in my hand
tiny flame surrendering after too much destruction
i sat there surrounded by smoke and half burned nostalgia
breathing heavily like someone who survived spiritual surgery without anesthesia

and somewhere beneath all that exhaustion
i realized the photos weren’t what haunted me most

it was the person i became while loving everyone in them
the softer version of myself
the hopeful version
the motherf*cker who still believed intimacy could save him from his own darkness before reality corrected that illusion permanently

- prithwish adhikary lyrics

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