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car song - saturday night live lyrics

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(song)
[partygoer 1]
oh you know it’s the weekend
dance with my friends
and i’m feeling so free now, yeah

[partygoer 2]
could take a train, but it’s far
feeling kinda tipsy, treat myself to a car

[partygoer 1]
it’s already late
in an uber heading downtown

[partygoer 2]
on the 188
on my street, i’m getting home now

(spoken)
[partygoer 1]
sorry, just trying to find the handle

[uber driver]
push b*tton

[partygoer 2]
no, yeah. i just, um
[uber driver]
look for little picture of door

[partygoer 1]
it’s the b*tton

[uber driver]
that’s window

[partygoer 1]
oh

[partygoer 2]
it’s under?

[uber driver]
that’s the lock

[partygoer 1]
push it?

[partygoer 2]
pull

[uber driver]
do this. b*tton
[partygoer 1]
thank you

[uber driver]
open

[partygoer 2]
where’s the door?

[uber driver]
that b*tton. push that

[partygoer 2]
why is it so difficult?

(song)
[both]
hey cars!
stop making doors hard!
they changed the doors and i don’t know why!
new handles, you don’t make sense!
the old handles were perfеctly fine
they did not need to change that

[partygoer 2]
i could lеarn mandarin before i open this door
not making progress, sleep on the floor
[partygoer 1]
you know the phrase “reinventing the wheel”?
here’s a new one:

[both]
you messed up the door!

[partygoer 2]
i took a car ’cause i’m drunk
what makes you think i can solve a puzzle?

[partygoer 1]
a keypad? what is this? a hyundai escape room?

[both]
car door, why’d you change the handle on me?
car door, why’d you switch it up?
like, make the car easier
please put the car back how it was
b*tton handle, i don’t like you
squeeze handle, go to h*ll!
recessed handle, take a hike
and what the h*ll is this one?

[partygoer 2]
they’re trying to trap us inside of the cars

[partygoer 1]
whoever’s behind it should be behind bars

[partygoer 2]
if you put a million dollars just outside of the window
i’d remain as i am, broke and upset

[both]
car door, why’d you change the handle on me?
car door, why’d you switch it up?
like, make the car easier
please put the car back how it was

(spoken)
[partygoer 2]
just tell us, why did you change the handles? it makes no sense

[car ceo]
why? because of something that happened to me very long ago, when i was a little boy and a door handle was my only friend in the world. you see, my mother was what they call a ** what’s the word? ** sl*t, driving around to different men’s houses, all of whom were my mother’s lovers. like a door*to*door sales hooker

[mother]
you wait here, sweetie. mommy’s gonna go make some money

[car ceo]
while they played naked twister inside, i sat in the car telling secrets to the door handle

[young ceo]
i wish i had a real daddy. i love you, door handle

[car ceo]
then one day, i decided to sneak out of the car to check on mama, but when i did, the bottom of my jumpsuit got caught in the door handle, and i did not realize that the garment was ripped off my body. they all shouted, mocking me

[young ceo]
no!

[car ceo]
it was then that i made a vow
car doors will humiliate everyone!

[partygoer 2]
oh my god, he’s insane!
open it!

[partygoer 1]
i can’t! the handle’s weird!

[car ceo]
never come back!

[partygoer 2]
oh my god!

[car ceo]
no!

- saturday night live lyrics

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