following lights in her eyes
this living behind’s got her frightened
so i’m here and i’m working all night
how is she not breaking down?
oh god i feel her shaking
try as i might to provide her light
in the end it’s she who’s breaking
i’m holding the choice as she grows life from it’s stem
is it better to say not now when i’m trying learn: yes?
i’m dreaming of bouncing feet and your motherly smile
but when you’re sleeping so far away i can’t feel what’s inside
how am i still holding on?
oh god i hope i am holding
she’ll try and describe what my strength provides but i fear my strength is failing
if i could change my mind
i would change
what’s the change for the better
for a child who learns not to cry?
and to the boy who relies on his anger:
you’ll survive but you won’t feel exchange
and why all these doubts?
and what are all these doubts?
i see in her eyes that i’m holding her fine but all i’m hearing is doubts
even as water’s crushing over my head
and the rhythm that i would slow is picking up it’s pace
i’m learning from older shames as i’m watching them die
and i’m still hoping to see her smile in the morning when we wake
now that i am waking up
oh god i hope i am waking
though i’m overwhelmed at times i find that i’m less afraid of change
change all the time
i’m still finding what’s sure
and not getting lost in my mind
i know i can try
needing my own
getting lost in her eyes
and hoping it’s time
i get wide eyed