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professional hater - ashtin larold lyrics

well, well, well
if it isn’t the most diabolical haters on this side of the mississippi

i’m a professional hater, hatred innovator
if you are annoying then you probably are in danger
i ain’t even trying, guess that sh*t’s just in my nature
if i do not like you, keep a lawyer on retainer
swear to god that i’m a hater, certified complainer
ain’t n0body safe, it could be family or a stranger
you could be my doctor or my barber or my neighbor
ain’t n0body greater, i’m a professional hater

i don’t give a* (f*ck)
who you are, i will hate you for sport
if you’re a grown male swiftiе, i will take you to court
if you own a pair of sperry’s, i will jump off the porch
you’rе the type of person everyone would like to ignore
if you trauma dump to strangers at a bar, you should stop it
i don’t care that you got gaslit by your boyfriend, you should drop it
oh, you got a magnum condom peeking outside of your pocket
wow, that’s cool, i wanna vomit, hope they strap you to a rocket
if you bring up your degree or your f*cking nft’s
i will tie you to a chair and i will shoot you in the knees
cryptocurrency is gay, please don’t bring it up to me
i will lock you in a cage and i will fill it up with bees
i promise not a single person cares how much you bench
i hope we go to war with russia and you die inside a trench
and if you name drop a celebrity and act like it’s your friend
we’ll reenact the scene from dodgeball where they practice with a wrench
professional hater, hatred innovator
if you are annoying then you probably are in danger
i ain’t even trying, guess that sh*t’s just in my nature
if i do not like you keep a lawyer on retainer
swear to god that i’m a hater, certified complainer
ain’t n0body safe, it could be family or a stranger
you could be my doctor or my barber or my neighbor
ain’t n0body greater, i’m a professional hater

i’m not done
i hate frat guys too
y’all a bunch of f*cking losers and you paid to have a crew
you all dress like f*cking p*ssies and you talk like you eat glue
and if you’re mad that i just said that then that sh*t applies to you
i don’t like it when somebody says they think bert kreischer’s funny
if you think that the machine story is true then you’re a dummy
probably still believe in santa and the f*cking easter bunny
hey bert, put on a shirt, i’m f*cking tired of your tummy
why the f*ck do you got a dog on the plane with you
i’m about to old yeller that b*tch and i ain’t playing with you
if you bring a baby on this plane, i got the same issue
if this hoe crashes, i ain’t even gonna pray with you
if you a grown adult and go to disney twice a year
i hope you never fall in love and live a life that’s full of fear
and if you chew with your mouth wide open and i’m remotely near
i’m gonna hit you with my car and say i thought you were a deer
professional hater, hatred innovator
if you are annoying then you probably are in danger
i ain’t even trying, guess that sh*t’s just in my nature
if i do not like you keep a lawyer on retainer
swear to god that i’m a hater, certified complainer
ain’t n0body safe, it could be family or a stranger
you could be my doctor or my barber or my neighbor
ain’t n0body greater, i’m a professional hater

- ashtin larold lyrics

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