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i think i'll stay in... - astro alloy lyrics

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after a day of empty tasks
i go to sleep, tear off my mask
i am a stranger, even to myself

always this aching in my guts
regular things leave me torn up
n0body asks me how my day has been

but sometimes i start leaking sap
self*hating jokes that don’t get laughs

it won’t be very long til i act like it never happened
it won’t be very long til i forget it ever mattered
yeah, i’m cool, it’s fine
do you wanna hang out? watch cartoons and cry?

day after day my mind goes dim
i grow out and rip off my second skin
my journal’s empty, no will left to write

i am unfit to love myself
the check engine light keeps burning out
subconscious thoughts are rising to the top

but sometimes i start leaking sap
self*hating jokes that don’t get laughs
it won’t be very long til i act like it never happened
it won’t be very long til i forget it ever mattered
yeah, i’m cool, it’s fine
do you wanna hang out? i’ll watch you drink wine

i pulled the sword from the rock
but i got shy and put it back
the people stared, all were appalled
“we thought that you were someone else”

i feel empty
from a grade that passed the class and nothing more
when the treadmill of self*care becomes a chore
tired of counting hours of missing sleep
i’m always tired

and i grow
and i change
and i hate
what this world has done to me

not calm
not safe
no joy
only tragicomedy
a wizard came, knocked on my door
“we need your help”, they implored
oh, they warned, if i accept
i must be sure cuz i can’t go back

i’ll be honest
i’m afraid of monumental change
less than i fear things might stay the same
what’s the risk if i risk everything?

okay, i’ll do it

- astro alloy lyrics

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