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rewind the end - awesome in disguise lyrics

i filmed myself bleeding in the hotel tub
not ‘cause i wanted to die, just wanted proof of my blood
played it back and felt nothing, just cheap special effects
fast*forward the crying, rewind the regrets

i sent a text to my dealer that i wished i was dead
he replied, “bro, that’s cool. need an eight*ball instead?”
i laughed like a lunatic and bought it anyway
sniffed lines off the bible, tried praying for decay

and it’s stuck on the reel
all the worst parts of me
like a toxic cutscеne
that i’m dying to deletе
but i press play again
i can’t look away
guess my pain’s my brand
guess that’s all i portray

i confessed to my shrink that i’m scared of good days
she said, “maybe you’re hooked on the comfort of pain”
i said, “doc, you’re brilliant, wanna switch seats for a while?
i’ll listen to your trauma, and pretend i’m fine”

and it’s stuck on the reel
all the worst parts of me
like a toxic cutscene
that i’m dying to delete
but i press play again
i can’t look away
guess my pain’s my brand
guess that’s all i portray
my ex wrote me a letter, said she prays i get clean
i framed it in glass, hung it where my guilt can be seen
i stare at the words like a shrine for my shame
but i won’t stop filming
i’m addicted to the frame

so here’s one more confession for the negative reel
it’s the truth and it’s ugly, but at least it’s real

- awesome in disguise lyrics

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