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broken - benjamin lerner lyrics

i was…
cooking crack cocaine
just to mask my pain
but now i start to feel an actual change
when i was digging
with a spike in my arm
even though when blood would register
i felt a little light, little warm
i didn’t feel i was enlightened through god
didn’t get the spiritual sense of relief i used to find way before
my nose was stuffed up
my sinus hurt from tears that i swallowed
barely slept at all that night
stuck in fear of tomorrow
i woke up – thought that last night was only a fluke
i prepped a fresh rig, shot two bags of dope up for proof
and when i pushed the plunger down i had some hope it would do
what it had done before – make me feel my soul was renewed
that’s when i knew…
it didn’t do the trick anymore
i almost lost it in the motel
almost kicked in the door
and then i broke down
i thought, “how the f*ck am i gonna cope now?”
i’m scared of getting clean, but i don’t get high off of dope now
but i’m too scared to cop me a pistol and even blow out
my brain that maybe now there’s finally no excuse to hold out
i called the treatment center, said i wanted to go
i ain’t gonna flex like i was ready, wasn’t ready fo’ sure
the truth is…
i ain’t never think that gettin’ sober would work
but i was tired of lyin’, f*ckin’ people over with words
just to cop some crack or bars or c0ke or dope or some percs
started to think of all my family i knowingly hurt
left my home, drove two hours…on the road i was there
searching for something that could get me through my broken despair

- benjamin lerner lyrics

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