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braindead - blood girl lyrics

i clog the toilet when i flush cus my apartments old and f*cked up
i’ve stopped worrying too much yet i still worry quite a lot
i think im lonely but im not im just bored and i should shut up
i think im angry but its stuff like life that makes it hard to live it right

i know im not a monster but i still feel like a failure
theres a ratio thats off of me pretending to be healthier
i know im not the worst but it is not like i am good
i just know i could be better if i tried to be like you

i know i know
you say that i am great in fact you say it constantly
i feel after years of that it should’ve somewhat hit me
i am better now than ever but i still feel really scared
cus now i have something to lose if im not prepared

and now and now
i burn my tongue on soup and scratch the scab for days on end
i spit blood into the sink and it makes me want to k!ll myself
i f*ck up my own body to feel good for a sec
like i can see the proof if i just look down on my legs

i was smoking outside when my cuts were peaking out my shorts
before i got them covered up a stranger sorta saw
it was a father and his child and he just gave a pity smile
it wasn’t really anything but made me want to cry

relapsing is hard but i haven’t talked about it after all
ive done this sh*t for so long i just dont think there is more for me
to say about how hard it is to only can relax when i
am digging a boxcutter into the skin on my thigh

and slitting slitting in the skin i always carry round with me
sh*tty sh*tty how this is the final skin ill ever see
i feel feel it hen the blood is dripping down my pantyhose
its fitting fitting feels like this is something i deserve and so

the toilet doesn’t flush and i am sitting on the bathroom floor
stopped cutting in the bath cus it just makes me want to do it more
think im tired but im not i just haven’t eaten anything today
and life is tiring as f*ck but i am doing it my way

im an addict for the pain and i lie when i complain
about the scars im covered in the knife i carry with me everyday
i think my sentence is the pain and i like to hurt myself
im not unhappy all the time but i feel like its the only way
to feel like i am in control to get rid of all the thoughts
thats why i cut or smoke or squeeze the dirt from all my pores
its so much easier to hurt yourself than think of what you’re going thru
so i would rather sit braindead and bleed out every afternoon

- blood girl lyrics

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