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condomnation - bob and tom lyrics

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if i have a date and i think i’m gonna mount her,
i go to the drugstore and head to the counter.
i get what i need and i put it in my wallet.
it’s the same old thing no matter what you call it.

a condom,
a scr-t- coat,
a manhole cover,
a pork cork,
a clam dam,
a plain ol’ rubber,
a head shed,
a kn-b swab,
a third leg stocking.

it’s all the same when your bed starts rockin’. oh my.

if you wanna meet me for a little tryst,
put a coney island white fish on your shoppin’ list.
slip it on when you’re getting hot.
then no one has to sleep on the gooey spot.

get a gent tent,
a carp tarp,
a halt leg trouser,
a wood hood,
a clap cap,
a doogie houser,
a w-nk tank,
a root boot,
a prophylactic.

it’ll look real slick in a johnson jacket.
wrap that rascal up in a salami sling.

when you hit the sack,
you’re ready, jack,
to do the nasty thing.

put on a jock sock,
a beav sleeve,
a canyon coaster,
a ball shawl,
a sp-nk trunk,
a love gun holster,
a meat sheet,
a goose noose,
a rod part-tion.

do the math. there’s no new addition.

i met a young lady in a single’s bar.
pretty soon we’re getting naked in my car.
now she tells me i’m gonna be a dad.
i could kick myself ’cause i wish i had on

a m-ff moat,
a stilt kilt,
a large load stopper,
a boom balloon,
or a totem pole topper,
a wad pod,
a wet suit,
a gonad girdle.

cause you never know when she might be fertile.
neutralize your schl-ng with a dong sarong.
when you’re in bed, use a tickler head
and she’ll think you’re king kong.

wear a love glove,
a squirt shirt,
a gland end gorda,
a bone beret,
a flesh fedora.

put one on every time you make it
and hope to god that you don’t break it!

- bob and tom lyrics

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