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look out there's a monster coming - bonzo dog band lyrics

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stanshall

lonely, unmarried, looking for love,
life was p-ssing me by.
so i sent off my photo, hobbies and age;
magazine marriage i tried.
they say for centuries lovely japanese girls
have been trained in the art of pleasing men.
be lonely no more, open destiny’s door.
for one dollar they arrange a meeting.

my image was wrong, i didn’t like me,
so i changed my personality.
i bought a delux merseybeat wig
but it was a size too big.
what confidence in my new built-up shoes,
so smart for winter or summer.
undetectable in normal everyday use.

look out there’s a monster coming!

bye-bye binoculars and macintosh,
everything is just great.
i take elocution, learn to speak posh
but still i can’t find a mate.
be popular, learn to play the guitar,
in seven days you could be strumming.
be sociable, learn kissing technique.

look out there’s a monster coming!

carnaby clothes, i reshaped my nose,
plastic surgery’s best.
to cut down my weight off comes my left leg.
i p-ss a swimming costume test.
are my sideboards too long,
don’t my aftershave pong?
i know my new nose ain’t runnin’.
what’s wrong with my tie?
am i getting too high?

look out there’s a monster coming!

disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair
i had removed electrically.
i rejuvenated my energy cells
and regained my virility (grunt grunt).
(he put my hand on my heart?),
(i am changing the part?).
he had a machine for a mummy.
please be gentle with me:
i come to pieces literally.

look out there’s a monster coming!
look out there’s a monster coming!
look out there’s a monster coming!
(…fade)

- bonzo dog band lyrics

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