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elf / knife / wife - cone poem lyrics

[verse 1]
i heard about him on the radio
what’s the big deal?
he’s just another stupid schmo
drinkin’ straight from the bottle
pricy merlot
they say the elf has got a knife

they’re tellin’ a lie
about a no good elf
he’s makin’ people wives moan, scream and yelp
thanks i’m good
but i don’t need no help
they say the elf will change your life

i went upstairs and i said to my wife
“what do you think of the elf with a knife?”
she paused for a sec and then she said

[chorus}
awesome еlf with a dangerous knife
he’ll comе by and threaten your life
he’s a stand*up guy and he’s really cool
but he might k!ll you with his stabbing tool

and when you’re dead your wife he’ll own
and she and him
they’ll love to bone
all the babes want him and his chiseled chin
he’s an elf with a knife
[verse 2]
i went and watched the game with my buddy todd
and he spoke of this elf
with a massive rod
and the conduct about him
was rather roughshod
he said the elf had banged his wife

“let me bang your wife you should”
the elf exclaimed as he produced his wood
todd wouldn’t refuse
no one would
he said the elf had changed his life

allegedly he went on a k!lling spree
and he bangs so good
that he’s got a degree
he sure sounds cool but i don’t give a d*mn

[chorus]
awesome elf with a rusty knife
he’ll k!ll you
and sh*g your wife
this awesome elf has loads of swag
for terrorism he’s been flagged
did you see the knife he has?
he’ll boink your wife and all that jazz
don’t get too mad cuz he’s a chad
he’s just an elf with a knife

[verse 3]
i’m just an elf that’s all i am
on your wife i’m going ham
it didn’t used to be this way
these crowds of cucks just showed up one day
the people screamed and then they begged
“f*ck my wife!” is what they said
but there’s just one thing i’m not sure
what the h*ll are knives for?

[guitar solo]

[verse 4]
yesterday i heard a knock at the door
the elf was there and he was looking to score
he drafted my wife in the weiner war
(i can’t believe he banged my wife)
to the elf my wife i loaned
and incredibly thoroughly
my wife he boned
for my disbelief i have atoned
(i can’t believe he banged my wife!)
he f*cked my wife and it was nice
after which he made fried rice
i’m also glad i wasn’t stabbed
(i guess)

[chorus]
awesome elf with a pointy knife
he’s gonna come by and boink your wife
this awesome elf is really rad
he might even hump your dad

you’re gonna watch when your wife he f*cks
he’ll ram her like a pick*up truck
he could k!ll you in a murderous rage
then he’ll f*ck your *
ladies does this interest you?
he could come and rail you too
he’s super suave with a giant bulge
i smiled with glee as he indulged

to your wife you’re obsolete
he even has a thing for feet
he’s an awesome elf with an awesome knife
and he’ll f*ck your wife

(you let an elf have s*x with your wife?)

- cone poem lyrics

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