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lirik lagu callisto – tom smith

to surf on the net, or to surf tv channels,
over and over, there’s been one request:
it’s xena we want, the warrior princess,
at least gabrielle, and we want them undressed.
now, i have to admit, they’re not unattractive,
but if we’re talking fantasies, i want the best.

aye, callisto, i think that i love you,
you psycho b-tch leather queen killer bombsh-ll.
hai, callisto, i sing to your spirit,
i’m doing it now, ’cause you’re going to h-ll.

ai-yi-yi!
whoh-ooh-ohh…
ai-yi-yi!
whoh-ooh-ohh…

i’ve noticed a trend in the xena fan-fiction:
our heroes are lesbians, friendly and more…
meanwhile, on the show, they’re all into bondage,
shackles, and leather, and s-x on the floor.
if these two trends combine, we’ll get… mistress
callisto…
enslaving our heroes…
… the ratings will soar!

aye, callisto, put xena in irons,
i hope you take gabrielle over your knee,
but, why, callisto, does xena obsess you?
you do it to her, but i wish it was me.

aye, callisto, i think that i love you,
you psycho b-tch leather queen killer bombsh-ll.
hai, callisto, i sing to your spirit,
an hour with you would be worth any h-ll.

ai-yi-yi!
i-i-olous — wait, that’s the other show…
ai-yi-yi!
whoh-ooh-ohh…

… that extra verse i mentioned above? found it….

she once was a babe, a blonde in black leather,
a s-xier snuff queen you never would find;
but then came the plots where xena redeems her,
and now she’s all gentle and loving and kind;
her wings are a joke, and her robes sure are glowing,
some jerkface producer is out of his mind….

aiee, callisto, you’re touched by an angel,
a cloying self-righteous defender of peace,
i, callisto, speak for your male viewers:
corrupt roma downey and dump della reese.

- tom smith

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