the letter opener - delikately lyrics
wasn’t mine to open
but i did
the drawer creaked like it knew me
thin envelope, spine bent
something breathing inside
opened it
regretted it
memorized it
i wasn’t supposed to know
but i knew
read it like a prayer for the wrong god
a map that led straight through me
draped in good fabric, high collar, bruises under the lace
not violence, just that heavy kind of watching
that makes you feel like a crimе
she, me; someonе easier to blame
smelled like someone’s wife in the wrong decade
legs crossed, eyes down, dress like a secret
every inch rehe*rs*d, but the gaze still found a way in
opened it
regretted it
memorized it
i wasn’t supposed to know
but i knew
each word a handprint on a wrist i forgot
each comma a pause you held too long
what is guilt if no one names it?
what is memory if no one admits it?
what is shame if it’s not mine but still fits?
read it like a map to the version of me
my name
no, someone else’s
but it looked like mine
then blamed the softness, then punished it
for being felt, for being there
i folded it the way you taught me
without knowing
tucked it behind the hymnals, under the floorboards
i bleed like dusk across the sea
too vast to hold
too deep to name
too deep to name
too deep to name
too deep to name
too deep to name
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