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years of disgust - dethlord lyrics

**years of disgust**

you want the truth? it’s rot
piled high in the back of my skull
smiles i faked. rage i swallowed
every “i’m fine” was another body dumped
this ain’t trauma — it’s tradition
this ain’t anger — it’s *residue*
i’ve been holding it in so long it grew t**th

***

**\[hook 1]**
i been holdin’ it in for years — now it leak
smiles rot off, i can’t even speak
every hug i gave was clenched disgust
every breath i held just gathered rust
i ain’t healed — i just shut up fast
you call it growth — i call it *mask*
say i’m strong? nah, i just adjust
**built this rage on years of disgust**

***

**\[verse 1]**
i played nice while they stabbed my spine
learnеd how to choke without showin’ a sign
i said “i’m chill” while my fists went numb
i lеt ‘em in — then i came undone
(*pause*)
you think i’m quiet? that’s *fuse control*
you think i’m healed? that’s *damage enrolled*
every word you said still rot my brain
still taste your guilt in a faucet of pain
i ain’t mean — i’m just past the point
where “forgive” don’t lube the joint
i drag my past like a chain of glass
and swing that sh*t when the moment crash
you see “resilience” — i see crust
you hear “i’m good” — i taste disgust
i let you live in what i suppress
**now drown in the years i never expressed**

***

**\[hook 2]**
years of disgust in my bloodstream steady
every fake “it’s cool” made me hold that heavy
you smile wide — i grind my jaw
you call it peace — i call it flaw
you don’t want truth — you want my leash
you don’t want help — you want my grief
i gave you trust — you gave me dust
**so now i swing with years of disgust**

***

**\[verse 2]**
i don’t forget — i just log receipts
stored every slight like a war technique
i said “it’s fine” and bit my tongue
now i taste iron with every one
(*direct*)
you lied loud — i listened hard
now i paint truth in prison yards
say i’m cold — i *chose that vibe*
learned how to rot and stay alive
i don’t lash out — i wait and press
turn that pain to *permanent stress*
then one day — i *casually* snap
and turn your spine to a victory lap
ain’t no healing — just load and tuck
ain’t no cure — just bile and muck
you want closure? you want trust?
**too late — i’m built from disgust**

***

**\[hook 3]**
years of disgust got me twisted and loud
talk to the wall like i’m talkin’ to crowds
said i’m healed — i just lied again
put my smile on like a broken friend
i laugh wrong, i move real slow
i don’t flinch — i just *let it grow*
you want love? i give you rust
**whole body wired with years of disgust**

***

**\[verse 3]**
i don’t vent — i decay in silence
stack up grudges like social science
kept it quiet so long it burned
now every nerve just twist and turn
(*fast*)
say “let it go” — i hold it tight
say “be kind” — i sharpen spite
they said “forgive” — i wrote a list
then carved it slow into both my wrists
you call it petty — i call it *fuel*
you played nice — i changed the rule
i been fake too long to play it fair
now i breathe hate like it’s f*ckin’ air
ain’t no hug that fix this cut
ain’t no sorry that unbuilds what
you left in me to rot and bust
**so now i spit up years of disgust**

***

**\[hook 4]**
i don’t cry — i just load and stare
built a soul outta ash and wear
say i’m over it — i’m under a flood
say i’m soft — i been eatin’ blood
you hug loud — i dodge with grace
you beg peace — i erase your face
this ain’t pain — this is *custom rust*
**you talk to a wall of years of disgust**

***

**\[outro]**
**i didn’t heal. i didn’t let go.**
**i didn’t move on — i just went cold.**
**you thought i forgot? you thought i forgave?**
**nah. i built a throne from every wave.**
**years of disgust — engraved and blunt.**
**i don’t yell anymore… i *hunt*.**

- dethlord lyrics

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