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john wilkes booth vs. lee harvey oswald - epic rap batles of history lyrics

[intro]
epic rap batles of history
john wilkes booth
versus
lee harvey oswald
begin

[verse 1: john wilkes booth]
salutations, and welcome to the show, boy
center stage taken by a name you oughta know, boy
john wilkes booth; undeterred of things hopeless
turned the southern loss into my magnum opus!
judging by your botched escape, your brain’s the teeniest
just ask my critics, i’m a natural g*nius
while i swooned theaters, and kept them all enthralled
you were salivating thinking about stalin’s b*lls
as an actor i’ve got a flair for the dramatic
but your commie backstory’s just confusing and erratic
hated the us and went away, hated russia didn’t stay
returning right into the pocket of the cia?
only reason you get credit for the deed
is ‘cause the government doesn’t want their part in it revealed
so the difference between us, no matter how you split it
is that everyone agrees that i did it

[verse 2: lee harvey oswald]
it seems limpy needs some time to rehe*rs*
a performer, yet he fumbles every line in his verse
you’d be better off finding another barn to hide in
‘cause i spit more flames than the one that you died in
it’s oswald, the marksman who’s got you upstaged
for f*ck’s sake, you had to shoot the guy at point blank range
and don’t mention escapes, yours was as half assed as the attack
landed with a crack …and kinda shuffled out back
i saw injustice and i wanted to end it
i fought to bring change, while you fought to prevent it
you cry about states’ rights, it ain’t that deep though
you’re mad ‘cause abe said it’s f*cked up to own people
you backwards degenerate narcissist, all of your bars missed
slaughtered by this martyr of a marxist
but even though you’re bad as both an actor and a shooter
i could still make you famous; let me call up zapruder
[???]
now*

[verse 3: john wilkes booth]
your feeble blows bemuse me, do you want to surrender?
or did beating up your wife leave your knuckles all tender?
double standards are expected from progressives, truly
but point blank range seemed to work for jack ruby

[???]
now*

[verse 4: lee harvey oswald]
you sure you wanna paint me as a monster like that?
with all disrespect, sir, you spent your youth k!lling cats
i kept my spouse in line, if you had done the same with yours
maybe your wh0re wife would’ve asked her other husband for divorce

[verse 5: charles guiteau, john wilkes booth, and lee harvey oswald]
now, let another potus assassin have a go
you ain’t never seen the likes of charles j. guiteau!
what, now? charles guiteau, i had my guy murdered too!
james garfield? i have never heard of you
well, i uhh, got divine support
i’m the stalwart* *gets shot*
[verse 6: john wilkes booth]
…no no no!
my patience is running mighty thin with you folk
you’ve taken my sacrifice and you’ve made it a joke
i avenged the confederacy for merciless war
that not a person asked for, i did what brutus had been honored for
the slander of my name don’t mean a thing
this nation’s foundation was brave men opposing a king
then lincoln k!lled it, ripped its glory in twain with vicious malice
f*ck the spineless republicans, sic semper tyrannis!

[verse 7: lee harvey oswald]
oh would you shut the f*ck up, you nepo baby dipsh*t?
you spent your whole d*mn life rolling in privilege
earning 20k a year while you’re praised and adored
now you’re throwing hissy fits because you have to do your chores!
what, you want me to feel sorry ‘cause your dear old daddy died?
at least your folks gave a sh*t about you while they were alive!
and i know it ain’t quite fair
every man has got the right to his dreams, but yours are a godd*mn nightmare!

[verse 8: john wilkes booth, lee harvey oswald, and both]
you vapid and vacuous historical blot!
i didn’t come here to shoot you! i didn’t come to get shot!
but i’ve had it with your lies and provocation
i won’t let your poison seep into the cracks of our nation
i’ll do what it takes, for the cause, for the truth
i am lee harvey oswald! i am john wilkes booth!
i’m the future! the blood i spill today is gonna linger!
and all i have to do is squeeze the trigger with my fing*
[outro]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide
epic rap ba* *gunshot*
…missed me
batles of history

- epic rap batles of history lyrics

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