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a secretary is not a toy - frank loesser lyrics

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[bratt]
gentlemen! gentlemen!
a secretary is not a toy
no, my boy
not a toy to fondle and dandle
and playfully handle
in search of some puerile joy
no, a secretary is not
definitely not
a toy

[3 men]
you’re absolutely right, mr. bratt!
we wouldn’t have it any other way, mr. bratt!
it’s a company rule, mr. bratt!
[male ensemble]
a secretary is not a toy
no, my boy
not a toy
so do not go jumping for joy
boy! a secretary is not
a secretary is not
a secretary is not
a toy

[bratt]
a secretary is not a pet
nor an erector set
it happened to charlie mccoy
boy, they fired him like a shot
the day the fellow forgot
a secretary is not
a toy!

[female ensemble]
she’s a highly specialized key
component of operation unity…
a fine and sensitive mechanism
to serve the office community

[smitty]
with a mother at home
she supports

[bratt]
and you’ll find nothing like her at f.a.o. schwartz!
a secretary is not to be
used for play therapy
be good to the girl you employ
boy, remember, no matter what
neurotic trouble you’ve got

[male ensemble]
a secretary is not
a toy

[female ensemble]
a secretary is not a thing
[?] key, hold by string
her pad is to write in
and not spend the night in
if that’s what you plan to enjoy
no!

[company]
the secretary you got
is definitely not
employed to do a gavotte
or you know what
before you jump for joy
remember this, my boy
a secretary is not
a tinker toy!

- frank loesser lyrics

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