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relapse (the trigger keeps getting pulled) - hoyt lyrics

[verse 1]
d*mn whatchu hear when i be speakin on this f*ckin mic
look inside my mommas eyes and only see the pain inside
when she od’d all the time
had me chokin on my fright
police pulling me aside
and askin if i’m really fine
can’t let em know what’s going on
as much as they gon poke and prod
gotta focus strong so cps don’t take me from my dad and mom
school would see me less
so cps would keep the pressure on
but couldn’t keep me from a broken dawn
now my therapist is tellin me my mom’s a trigger
how f*ckin fair is this i can not even stare up at her picture
without despair about her f*ckin seizures
can’t compare the glare i got from all my teachers
late to class cuz in the night i’m panicked bout my moms procedures
seizures, od’s, internal bleeds, stolen oxys and police
all i see when i be lookin at my mommy
seizures, od’s, internal bleeds, stolen oxys, police
all i see when i be lookin at my mommy

[verse 2]
wanna cut myself until i spill
cuz i’m angry and filled with guilt
that i couldn’t save her from the alcohol and pills
as a kid it gave me chills to think of me and mommy on the hill
no pills
playin catch and hot meals
prayin for it in my mind still
but she just hit a relapse
crashed her car i can’t believe that
i actually thought that she was sober that whole week and
now i feel just like that f*ckin kid again
sittin in
gasoline steady glistenin
hopin that my momma listen in
when i light the f*ckin match
please attend to me and tell me that i saved u
and took away your pain too
and k!lled every f*cker that had played u
feels like i just lead a horse to water and it drowned me in the lake too
but what happens when i break too
but what happens i break you
but what happens when i
when i
when i break too

- hoyt lyrics

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