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poo-poo in the prawn - ian dury lyrics

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i took a sudden notion
to go down to the ocean
i’d got my sun-tan lotion
my flippers and my mask

in proper distribution
of fully-formed ablutions
formed an ocean of pollution
in which i daredn’t bask

some t-rds were teeny-tiny
and some were big and shiny
but they all f-cked up the briney
in which i dipped my toe

if you go swimming in the sh-te-us
you’ll get worse than dermit-tis
from the sea of grey detritus
where the sewage ebbs and flows

there’s no respite
from the cess-pit
no shelter from the pong
the poor old ocean
is full of motions
where the h-ll did we go wrong?

like a lamb off to the slaughter
pored myself a gl-ss of water
i failed to spot i’d caught a
little creature in my cup

i was well and truly bolleaux-ed
from the fires of h-ll that followed
t’was the cup of life i’d swallowed
and it almost did me up

something coming
through the plumbing
that should not be there at all
the gl-ss is brimming
and things are swimming
and quite frankly, i’m appalled

i was a very hungry fella
i defrosted my paella
came down with salmonella
three weeks intensive care

they failed to send technicians in
to check the air-conditioning
which was unfortunately transmissioning
a case of legionnaires

there’s a malaise
in the mayonnaise
there’s a poo-poo in the prawn
where we missed them
in the system
little germs are being born
there’s no respite
from the cess-pit
there’s no shelter from the pong
where the h-ll did we go wrong?

- ian dury lyrics

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