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spent - john louis lyrics

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if only the drinks understood what i’ve been through
if only my attempts to blot you out didn’t hurt my health
if only i learned how to love what i died to
then maybe i’d learn how to hate what i do to myself

‘cause i remember trips we took
like we just got home yesterday
i revisit our old pictures
like the headstone on our grave

i remember gifts i gave you
on your birthday at the beach
the engraving on your watch
that marked our anniversary

when does the healing start?
how long do i have to feel this low?
why don’t i protect my heart?
i can’t remember ever feeling so alone

why doesn’t god show his face when i need him to?
i wish i had the strength to ask him where he went
‘cause then maybe he’d welcome me home, like a father would
and maybe i wouldn’t be sitting here, oh, so spent

‘cause i remember back in sunday school
that he was in control
so i confessed him with my mouth
but that was fourteen years ago

i remember nights when i would cry
alone beneath the moon
oh, if only i could find the strength
to ask him, “where were you?”

when does the healing start?
how long do i have to feel this low?
why don’t i protect my heart?
i can’t remember ever feeling so alone

when does the healing start?
how long do i have to feel this low?
why don’t i protect my heart?
i can’t remember ever feeling so alone

i can’t remember ever feeling so alone

if only i’d seen how you looked when i told you
that i wouldn’t leave you no matter how dark it got
then maybe i’d have seen it coming, my lover
maybe i’d have avoided becoming somebody i’m not

- john louis lyrics

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