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clever habits - ‏‏‎jordanisdead lyrics

[verse: jordanisdead]

as i begin to speak, man the words turn to dust
how do i explain? man, this curse burning trust
the faith and confidence that i am losing in myself
am i making the right call? can i choose it when i’m dealt
words turn to dust, i wish the thoughts did too
but the thoughts rip through, when i’m lost, misused
and counting the popcorn that’s bleeding from the ceiling
the line is blurry between healing and concealing
hiding from the world, getting tired of rapping bout it
four walls only inspiration when i’m trapped around it
if my stomach turning then my favorite tactic is avoiding
the inevitable, my friends and family disappointed
and now everyone is asking questions, and they confused
be seen as an assh0l*, or tell them the truth?
well, in attempts to hide, i’ve developed clever habits
how do i explain anxiety to men who never had it?

[verse: jordanisdead]

i overthink
to the point of headaches, a tough disguise
the type of ache that’s a sharp pain above the eye
my stomach turns to the point of f*cking diarrhea
for events weeks in advance, sh*t i promised i would see ya
i’m still getting nervous over sh*t im looking forward to
which isn’t much, but you wouldn’t think that it would torture you
well, it does to me and it feels like suffering
it feels like you can’t pick a word so you just end up stuttering
and it makes me feel ungrateful for the life i have
there’s a thousand thoughts behind every single futile laugh
i have safety and security, yet here i am using it to hide
makes me feel like such a p*ssy, without pride
my anxiety it dominates my goals, now they’re nonexistent
say what you will but i admire it’s persistence
it’s a parasite feeding on me offering me paradise
my pair of eyes are stimulated, now i’m paralyzed
i’m imprisoned by my clever habits
asking, how do i explain anxiety to men who never had it?
[bridge: jordanisdead]

i’m man of pride, not a man of my word
i’m man of pride, not a man of my word
i’m man of pride, not a man of my word
i’m man of pride, not a man of my word

[verse: jordanisdead]

i hide behind crinkled pages, worlds within words, realms that i roam
live in fictional worlds, i’m hiding from my own
obsessed with tales of hope cuz i am seeing none
obsessed with superheroes, cuz i’m feel like i am needing one
people no longer care about me on my socials
this led to my denial of the internet in hopes to
salvage what is left of my career
partly led to my denial of my phone, the conversations that i fear
friends and fam seem to need me or judge me through that screen
take pride in being separate from my phone, they grit they t**th
texts come in and i swear to god that i’ll respond later
but later never comes, now the family turned to strangers
being on my phone it made me anxious so i denied it
i thought that that was healthy till my closest friends divided
what’s ironic is when they called my phone i couldn’t find it
despite it, told myself that it was this, or live your life inside it
that’s when dad texted, asking why i am ignoring him
to be more accurate he was p*ssed, short and grim
to worsen it, after lecture i just said “ok sorry”
deny responsibility in the way that i say “sorry”
how do i explain anxiety to men who’ve never had it?
the lack of confidence to one who’ve always had it
how do i say that im scared cuz of all those drunk texts
tried to make me feel like sh*t, guilt inside my numb chest
i told him it’s a problem i acknowledge and im working on
pain inside my chest that’s forever burning strong
he seemed to understand and offered me advice
“it’s a life sk!ll, keep your faith,” i promise that i tried
but during the conversation, never told him the whole truth
so i thought i’d do it here, pick the weed out from its roots
i’m feeling better than before, breathe in and move slower
i’m not fixed but now i’m strong enough to move forward
i promise i’m not perfect, my family isn’t either
dad is working on his drinking and his diet getting greener
that’s how i realized why he did it, a clever habit
learning how to overcome anxiety from men who’ve always had it
[bridge: jordanisdead]

always had it
always had it

[outro: jordanisdead]

anxiety is god!

[fly noises]

- jordanisdead lyrics

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