tarrasque broke my shed (and ate the village) - konstantinos kourentzes lyrics
the beast rose from the earth with apocalyptic rage!
three hundred feet of death, unk!llable and caged!
it crushed the temple, flattened every home and hall!
but that motherf*cking monster destroyed my workshop wall!
the village burns in ashes, the people scream and flee~
but in his heart, one dwarf weeps for carpentry~
the tarrasque! the tarrasque!
laid waste to everything i know!
my shed! my beautiful shed!
where my legendary tools were stowed!
f*ck the orphanage! f*ck the grain supply!
my hand*carved workbench made me cry!
oh tragic loss~ of lumber and of nails~
the kingdom falls~ but one dwarf’s hammer wails~
i spent forty years organizing every single screw!
color*coded brackets! alphabetical too!
the clerics scream about the casualties and dead!
i’m screaming louder cause it stepped on my tool shed!
the mayor’s wife was eaten~
the children saw such horror~
but hear this dwarf’s soul beaten~
for his sacred workshop corner~
he built it stone by stone~
with mortise, tenon, care~
now reduced to rubble lone~
his precious planer’s snare~
that shed…
that f*cking shed…
had my father’s lathe in it…
my grandfather’s hand plane!
three generations of accumulated masterwork chisels!
a vintage shadowdeep vise worth 3,000 gold!
my collection of exotic hardwoods from when i was bold!
the mayor can suck it with his “civilian death toll”!
my shed had sentimental value, you bureaucratic assh0l*!
the kingdom mourns a thousand souls today!
(but one dwarf mourns his organized display~)
the tarrasque brought extinction to our door!
(his label maker~ perfectly organized drawer~)
civilization crumbles! hope is lost!
(that shed was worth exactly fourteen thousand, five*hundred*forty*two gold, not counting sentimental cost!)
they’re rebuilding the castle! the marketplace! the temple spire!
but n0body gives a sh*t about my sacred woodworking empire!
let him grieve~ his hammers and his saws~
for every dwarf~ must have his cause~
the world may burn~ in tarrasque flame~
but workshop loss~ brings greater shame~
i had a half*finished rocking chair in there…
it was supposed to be for my daughter’s wedding…
*sob*
f*ck that lizard…
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