ted's dead - lice lyrics
a rough divorce cost ted his house and car, his mental health worsened and he became addicted to jerking off in public: on buses, friend’s houses… it started as a little thing, but little things can go far. 12’ 9” is the record of the world champion of throwing dwarves, and ‘john the giant’, his missile, of course
concerned by this, his doctor ran several tests and returned with upsetting news for ted…
ted was given just two months left to live, so with the time he had left he k!lled his ex-wife; he stole back his car and drove out to the coast to see the end out alone, but the end never comes, and it turns out his doctor just made a mistake, he’s totally healthy but is shortly detained
ted returned home and- having been arrested for k!lling his wife- received a life-sentence. as the door shut on his cell the prison warden said ‘at least, at least you’re not dead’
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