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football results/my old man's a dustman - michael rosen (author) lyrics

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[football results]
here are the football results
league division fun

manchester united (1)
manchester city lost

crystal palace * (2)
buckingham palace * (1)

everton * (nil)
liverpool’s not very well, either

aldershot * (2)
buffalo bills shot three

wolves * (8) a cheese roll and had a cup of tea too

millwall–leeds nowhere

ipswich (1)

which one?
i don’t know, ask my old man

[my old man’s a dustman]
my old man’s a dustman
he wears a dustman’s hat
he bought two thousand tickets to see a football match, yeah!
fatty passed to skinny
and skinny passed it back
fatty took a rotten shot and knocked the goalie flat, pfft

where was the goalie when the ball was in the net?
halfway up the goalpost with his trousers round his neck

singing
oompa oompa
stick it up your jumper
rule britannia
marmalade and jam
we threw sausages at our old man

well, what happened to him?
poor old fella

well we’re gonna find out

they put him on the stretcher
they put him on the bed
they rub his belly with a five*pound jelly
but the poor old soul was dead
uuuuuuuuggghhhh

- michael rosen author lyrics

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