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the cd jokes - mitch hedberg lyrics

[intro]
ladies and gentlemen
i’m extremely proud and the last stop is extremely proud to present: mitch hedberg!

[mitch]
i have to record the cd, so i have to tell all the jokes i have
i’ve never recorded a cd before, i’ve told a lot of these jokes before. ha ha ha ha, but i gotta put em on a cd now, see?
it’s all gonna spread it out
all these jokes on a cd right here
these are the cd jokes
thought of it today, i whittled the list down today
these are the jokes that i could think of today, which means these are the cd jokes
i might think of another one that won’t be on this list, and i might throw it in, in a moment of spontaneity that you won’t be able to detect
cause you won’t notice that it’s not on the list
but i will be proud of the spontaneity
and you’ll see it in my stride
so don’t f-ck up the b-ss tonight, chuck
cause we’re on a cd here
so f-ckin keep it, keep it goin. don’t f-ck up a scale. these jokes all gonna go right here

so i wish i could play little league now, i’d kick some f-ckin -ss
i’d be way better than before
backup now? all right

that joke kicked off the cd right there
kinda weak man

i got a ant farm, but them fellas didn’t grow sh-t
they’ll buy some carrots maybe for me
i like carrots

i dressed up for the cd

- mitch hedberg lyrics

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