if i could be weird al - moneyshot cosmonauts lyrics
[robert lund]
i wanna be al yankovic
so freakin’ bad
with white and nerdy fans i never had
like oprah i would start my own
“al” magazine
with bundy, sharpton, qaida, gore, and green
oh, every time i hear a song
my brain regurgitates it wrong, yeah
so all the words i sing along
are abnor*mal!
i’d be every fangirl’s pal
if i could be weird al
[shoebox]
yeah, i’d be crashin’ alapalooza
in my belvedere cruiza
rockin’ polka medleys of
john phillip sousa
[tv’s kyle]
i’d be an amish celebrity
losing on jeopardy
with shirts like nick nolte
and hair that’s def leppardy
[tom smith]
i’d pimp the grapefruit diet
go on ebay to buy it
i’m no jerry springer
but in france i’m a riot
[carrie dahlby]
i love rocky road, i’ll
get kinky with yoda
gotta boogie like the biggest ball of
spam in minnesota
[seamonkey]
i’d make my roaches wear slippers
fall in love with the skipper
or an anorexic codependent
bingo addict stripper
[jared ringold]
i hear al wants a new duck
that will teach him to swim
i guess it really must suck
to be a rock star like him
[chorus: robert lund, *devo spice*, **spaff.com**, ***luke ski***
i never think a song is done
*(the toast is done, the toast is done)*
until you add accordion
**(’cause i perform this way, baby!)*
i pray for one more naked gun
***(me and oj)*
’til *(yeah)* then *(yeah)* i *(yeah)* shall
sing about my root c*n*l
***(drill me!)***
when i become weird al
[luke ski]
duh*duh*duh*dare to be stupid
duh*dare to be stupid
[jesse smith]
i’ll be the quirkiest! the smirkiest!
my turkey neck’s the turkey*est
of all the albuquerque songs
i’ll write the albuquerque*est
[dr. milo t. pinkerton iii]
i’ll kick some pancreass
in this dog*eat*dog business
with my billionaire bikini
supermodel astrophysicist
[spaff.com, *bill dant*]
i’m pretty fly for a reverend
in bolognaphile heaven
making albums in 3*d
*which, cubed, is 27*
[steve goodie]
i’m buyin’ me a cuisinart
on craigslist they’re on sale tonight
i’ll be the king of waffles, king of suede
and king of cellulite
[isnane ian]
i would tell your iguana
it smells like madonna
but right now nirvana
and i just don’t wanna
[jeff reuben, *dr. demento*]
and if money won’t buy happiness
i’ll just go and rent it
so listen up, you weasel stompers
*stay demented!*
[chorus: robert lund, *luke ski*, **devo spice**]
i wanna be al yankovic
so fetchin’ bad
*(even worse)*
i promise i’ll be mellow when i’m dead
**(like a car battery)**
i wanna do the today show on
all al*tv
**(on uhf)**
with roker and capone and al*i g
*(h*o*d*a hoda! what up!)*
they say i’m close but no cigars
*(you’re pitiful)*
to radioactive cnr’s
*(chuck. norris. revisited.)*
from a planet near bruno mars
*(freddie mercury?)*
i’d **(yeah)** puke **(yeah)** cris* **(yeah)** *tals
and i’d be harvey the wonder hamster’s pal
if i could be weird al
[devo spice]
stuh*stuh*stuh*stuck in the drive*through
wuh*with vanna white, dude
[robert lund, *devo spice*, **luke ski**]
i wanna be al yankovic
*(me too)*
**(me three.)*
so stinkin’ bad
[outro: “weird al” yankovic]
oh, i wish i could be weird al too
oh wait, i am weird al! hah! cool!
hahah! oh, oh
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