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dial in - myron molina & fiona tasarek lyrics

[phone guy, spoken]
h*llo? h*llo, h*llo?

[mike, spoken]
yeah, hi, who* who is this?

[phone guy]
oh, i’m an employee here, i was told to dial in
to help guide you through your night
i know it can be stressful when you first begin

[mike, spoken]
so what should i know?

[phone guy]
we’ll get there, mike
hang tight…

[mike]
alright…

[phone guy]
let’s see
we’ll start with the basics, a bunch of legal stuff
but i’ll try and pace it to cut out all the fluff
uh, welcome to freddy’s, blah blah blah blah blah blah
and something with bodies, blah blah blah blah blah*
[mike, spoken]
woah! did you just say “bodies?”

[phone guy, spoken]
oh! right, it’s… really nothing important, though, i can assure you

[mike, spoken]
yeah, can you read that whole legal disclaimer thing for me?

[phone guy, spoken]
wait a minute, just two seconds ago you were mr. “i’m in such a rush”, but whatever you say
uh, let’s see, here we go
“welcome to freddy fazbear’s pizza, a magical place for kids and grown*ups alike
where fantasy and fun come to life
fazbear entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person
upon discovering that damage or death has occurred
a missing person report will be filed within 90 days
or as soon as property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached…”

[mike, spoken]
i’m sorry, what?!?!

[phone guy, spoken]
look, i know that sounds bad, but there’s really nothing to worry about!
it’s all just precautionary
[mike, spoken]
precautionary? for what?

[phone guy, spoken]
hehe, there’s something kind of important i forgot to mention earlier, about the animatronics

[mike, spoken]
well, what about them?

[phone guy, spoken]
umm, how do i say this…
uh, the animatronic characters here, do get a bit… quirky at night…

[mike, spoken]
quirky? what the h*ll do you mean by quirky?

[phone guy, spoken]
woah, language, mike! only my superiors get to use such profanity!

[mike, spoken]
just tell me about the animatronics!

[phone guy, spoken]
oh, right
the animatronics, uh
[phone guy]
…they move around at night
and walk freely through the halls

[mike, spoken]
what the…

[phone guy]
hey!
i know that might sound frightening, but please hang tight:
they’re not dangerous at all
they used to walk during the day

[mike, spoken]
okay…

[phone guy]
but they were… faulty and costly
and then there was the “bite of ’87”

[phone guy, spoken]
it’s… amazing how the body can live with a frontal lobe

[mike, spoken]
so let me get this straight… you say these things are “safe”, as you tell me one of them ate someone’s face? great!

[phone guy]
don’t overstress it, stay put and you’ll be fine
all you have to do is make they stay in line
you have lights and cameras, and doors to shut in need
but please, understand this: the power’s quick to bleed
it’s easy, i promise, you’re not going to die

[mike, spoken]
but why…

[phone guy]
…you’re fine, mike, you got this, no more “buts” and no “whys”
now, i’ve gotta go, have fun and stay alive
i’ll call you back tomorrow, assuming that you survive…

[phone guy, spoken]
hahaha, oh, i’m just messing with you, mike!
like i told you, you’ll be fine
just check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary
gotta conserve power

[mike, spoken]
yeah, thanks. sounds… easy

[phone guy, spoken]
see? i knew you’d get comfortable!
but i won’t waste any more of your time, i’ll let you get to work
uh, good luck, and i’ll talk to you soon
goodbye

- myron molina fiona tasarek lyrics

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