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shhh!!!! - original cast of why am i so single lyrics

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[oliver, spoken]
some people want diamonds
expensive jewels
and spontaneous trips to paris
others want danger
scoundrels and sinners
and s*x in the back of a toyota yaris

[oliver]
but i’ve learned all of that’s not for me, oh no
i am content with a romance i know

i just want a man who won’t tell any of his family or friends that i exist
i just want a boy who’ll take me in his arms and tell me
‘don’t tell anyone we kissed’
i just want a man who’ll hold my hand
as we walk round the park
but only where no one can see, or after dark

a man who insists i don’t exist

[men]
shhh!!!!

[oliver]
to anyone but him
if we’re on the town and hе sees somebody he knows
he’ll always makе me cross the street

[men]
like you’re non*existent

[oliver]
if we’re on a date, he’ll introduce me as his colleague
to the people that we meet

[men]
‘this is my assistant’

[oliver]
if we’re all alone when we’re at his, he’ll act all sweet for me
but when the doorbell rings, it’s the en suite for me

he’ll make me feel like i don’t exist

[men]
shh!

[oliver]
to anyone but him

[men]
to anyone but him
[oliver]
and though, there’s nothing like a fella
who saves you on his cell as ‘unknown caller’
and oh, there’s nothing like a guy
on whom you can rely to not say a word when he’s overheard
all of his friends call you ‘f*g’

i just want a man to hold me through the night
then every morning text me

[men]
shhh!!!!
don’t tell or a soul or else i’ll k!ll ya

[oliver]
i just want a guy who says i’m lying when i try to remind him
that we f*cked, on our gap year in brasilia

i just a man with whom i can go all the way
and when he’s done, he’ll say

[oliver, spoken]
‘get the f*ck off, i’m not gay’

[nancy]
and why do you think that’s what you’re pining for?
[oliver]
because it’s all i’ve ever known from boys before

[nancy]
so now you’re worried that’ll happen every time?

[oliver]
well, sh*t, that must be why i’m
looking for a mister
who pretends i don’t exist to
anyone but

[men]
shhh!!!!

[oliver]
him!

[oliver, spoken]
hey there, wanna meet me after?
i won’t tell anyone… not even your wife…
who by the way looks lovely this evening!

[nancy, spoken]
okay, show’s over, oliver, come on, just be straight with me for a second

[oliver, spoken]
that’ll be a first!

[nancy, spoken]
look, i don’t think the problem really is that you don’t know what you’re looking for

[oliver, spoken]
you’re not wrong, doll face!

[oliver]
cause i want a man who insists i don’t exist…

[nancy, spoken]
shhh… ut up! that is not the issue, this actually is the issue…

- original cast of why am i so single lyrics

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