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the shakespearean tragedy rag - ray jessel lyrics

[intro]
it’s old, and yet it’s new
tonight we’re gonna do
the shakespearean tragedy rag!
treachery and lies
actors drop like flies
the shakespearean tragedy rag!

[verse 1]
startin’ with oth*llo
a jealous kind of fellow
gee, that crafty iago plays oth*llo like a cello
so oth*llo k!lls his bride
but after desdemona’s died
he finds out that she’s innocent
so, bingo, suicide!
they put the cuffs on iago
it’s kinda like chicago
believe me, the proceedings never lag
murder, mayhem, menace!
forget chicago, this is venice!
the shakespearean tragedy rag!

[chorus]
la la la, la la la, la la la
lackaday
fa la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
scottish play!
[verse 2]
lord and lady macbeth
those divas of death
do the shakespearean tragedy rag
she is viciously ambitious
and he does what she wishes
’cause that hag knows how to nag, nag, nag, nag!
macbeth, he meets 3 witches
who scratch him where he itches
they say, “you’ll soon be king and queen
with all of scotland’s riches
but beware of birnam wood
if it comes to dunsinane
’cause that would not be good
because a thane might just be slain!”
(this is probably the only song you’ll ever hear that needs cliff notes)
(there’ll be a test after the show)
to what depths this pair have sunken
k!lling banquo after duncan
too late, macbeth finds murder is a drag
and though he never thought it could
oh sh*t, here comes birnam wood!
the shakespearean tragedy ra*a*a*ag!
lucky, he is not
out, out, d*mn scot
the shakespearean tragedy rag
[chorus]
fa la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
fie on thee
fa la la, la la la, la la la, la la la
woe is me

[verse 3]
romeo and juliet
montague meets capulet
you can bet that duet ends sadly
and old king lear
was a nice old dear
but his career, i fear
ends badly, madly

[chorus]
poor king lear
oy vey iz mir

[verse 4]
hamlet makes it plain
there is nothing like a dane
the shakespearean tragedy rag
hamlet sees his daddy’s ghost
daddy tells why he is toast
the shakespearean tragedy rag!
seems no one’s quite as naughty as
that nasty uncle claudius
after offing his own brother
now he’s boffing hamlet’s mother
“revenge!” cries hamlet’s daddy
“come on, son, do the pr*ck*in!”
but hamlet hems and haws
because, let’s face it, hamlet’s chicken
he tries soliloquy
“to be or not to be”
k!lls polonius by mistake
ophelia ends up in the lake
big finish with a duel
and a poison cup and sword!
first laertes’ dead
then gertie’s dead
then hamlet, he gets gored
it all gets pretty bl**dy
’cause will’s no fuddy*duddy
yes, k!llin’, chillin’, villainy’s his bag
by the end of act 5
no one’s left alive!
the shakespearean tragedy ra*a*a*ag!
and that was just the teaser
next week, julius caesar!
the shakespearean tragedy… rag
(thank you!)

- ray jessel lyrics

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