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the mistress - robbie o’connell lyrics

[spoken intro]
this is for all the guys in their forties and fifties who are going through a midlife crisis

[verse 1]
“i’d like to have a mistress,” i told my wife one day
“to help me through the middle years, it would suit a man my age”
and to my great astonishment, she never said a word
she just looked at me as if to say, “now don’t be so absurd.”
“i’d like to have a mistress, no more than twenty one
with a figure like a goddess, it would keep me feeling young
she’d make me tea in the afternoon, sеrved on a silver tray
dressеd only in her birthday suit or a skimpy negligee.”

[verse 2]
“i’d like to have a mistress, who was tender young and chic
we’d make love in the afternoons, maybe once or twice a week
i’d leave the office early and i’d go round to her flat
we’d always have champagne on ice as we’d take a bubble bath
i’d like to have a mistress who would know just what to do
she’d have read the perfumed garden and the kama sutra too
and the more i think about it, the more i think it wise”
my wife just looked at me and said, “why don’t you advertise?”

[verse 3]
“i’d like to have a mistress,” so ran the ad next day
“the work is light, the hours are short and we can discuss the pay”
i waited by the phone all day and i got just one reply
she came round for an interview i could not believe my eyes
at last i had a mistress who was every dream come true
she was s*xy, blond and beautiful, ‘though she was twenty*two
my wife gave her approval, she didn’t seem to mind
i hardly could believe my luck, they hit it off just fine
[verse 4]
it was nice to have a mistress, it seemed so civilized
it gave a touch of spice to life, there was always some surprise
but then one afternoon, i found a note upon her door
saying our affair was over, she’d not see me anymore
i’d like to have a mistress who’d be a little more content
and not go running off on me, not saying where she went
one i could rely on, who would stay with me through life
and not leave me with a note to say she ran off with my wife

- robbie oconnell lyrics

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