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woe to the wobbly waitress - russell nomer lyrics

[intro] [fast, distorted, three*chord guitar riff]
one, two, three, four!

[verse 1]
slingin’ hash in this greasy pit got a head full of static
i’m so sick of this sh*t!
my coffee pot’s a weapon, my apr*n is a shield
but my own d*mn feet are a godd*mn battlefield!
gravity’s my nemesis, the floor’s my biggest foe
every single shift is a disaster*stomp*and*go!

[chorus] [shouted, raw]
crack! snap! pop! there goes the ankle!
three d*mn places, a brand new angle!
woe! to the wobbly waitress!
a walking, talking, breaking mess!

[verse 2]
some old dude’s wheelchair gets stuck in the jamb
“i’ll help you out, sir! yes i can, ma’am!”
gave a mighty shove, a heroic lurch
left me sprawled out on the floor of this greasy church!
my tray of fries went airborne, a sickening crunch
became the floor’s disgusting, soggy lunch!

[chorus] [even faster and angrier]
crack! snap! pop! there goes the ankle!
three d*mn places, a brand new angle!
woe! to the wobbly waitress!
a walking, talking, breaking mess!
[bridge] [chanted over a heavy, chugging bassline and drums]
they wrapped me up in plaster, told me “take a rest”
put my f*cking charity to the test!
said i was a hero, so brave and so good
while i’m serving pancakes on a chunk of wood!
well, no good deed goes unpunished, that’s the ugly truth!
i got a splintered fibula for being sweet to youth!

[guitar solo] [short, chaotic, feedback*drenched guitar solo]

[outro] [shouted, devolving into noise]
woe to me! woe to me!
three! broken! places!
thanks for nothing! ugh!
[final, ringing guitar chord that cuts off abruptly]
[end]

- russell nomer lyrics

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