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pocket toys - sam kinison lyrics

ah, women. god, they’re it, too. there’s nothing else. we love you, ladies. you have the p*ssy. you have the p*ssy. you understand that? you have the p*ssy. it’s not the only reason we love you. but it’s on the top f*ckin’ five, all right? it’s right up there. it’s on the top five. it’s up there with the conversational abilities, maternal qualities and, “oh, oh, yeah. oh, yeah. put in p*ssy. oh, and, p*ssy.”

yeah, man, i mean, i mean there’s no substitute. there is no f*ckin’ substitute. there’s no artificial p*ssy. that’s why we keep coming back and taking more sh*t and we keep buying it because there’s no substitute. but i guarantee you, there’s some doctors somewhere working on it. there’s some researchers somewhere that are trying to invent the artificial p*ssy. because they know if they do, they’re gonna be millionaires in about ten f*ckin’ minutes. that’s gonna be some long lines at the stores, folks, you know what i mean? gonna be some long f*ckin’ lines. ye*ha*ha*ha

everybody go, “oh, if we just invent it, we’ll be millionaires. think of the business from truck drivers alone.”

“yes, you’ve got to make it to kansas city. you don’t have time to stop. you reach in for ronco’s pocket pal and you put that partner on and you ride that ride with a smile.” oh, yeah, they’re gonna f*ckin’ patent it, are you kidding?

“k*tel’s new elastic bush. it likes your folks. it doesn’t b*tch. it never has a period. it never wants any money. it’s k*tel’s elastic bush. it’s not jaws. it doesn’t mind.”

don’t you wish you could take orders for it right now? “oh, i’ll sign for it**”

like elixir, “ladies and gentlemen, i’ve got here in my wagon, the answer and the cure**”, yeah. oh, but there isn’t any. they have the p*ssy. so, we’re f*cked

- sam kinison lyrics

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