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monologue: the creeping lies - samuel arroyo lyrics

[spoken word]
i’ve been walking through a cloudy storm
the storm my mind always forms
i’ve locked myself in chains once more
always confined to the walls of my corpse
a sinking ship, and a fallen crew
but i’m the ship, and i have no crew
i steer my own course, heading back to the horde
cuz i can no longer tell the light from the dark

a little white lie can’t hurt right?
but i’ve told so many lies that they don’t connect
and with every lie i dig my own grave
trapping myself like a fly in a web
i can’t remember what the truth is like
cuz i’vе been living in a nest of my own lies
now evеryone sees me as the monster i truly am
how much longer can i keep up the act?

that same creeping feeling
and the guilt that washes over me unappealing
drowning in my insecurities
so much that i drag others into the impurities
i’ve betrayed so many, but helped so much more
i support my enemies even when it’s a chore
but now i’ve turned to help myself
and suddenly i’m so selfish that i’ve been left on the shelf
i’ve been told time and time again
express yourself, it’s good for your health
but i’m afraid to express what i truly feel
because others call me too expressive
the side of me that everyone sees
is just another lie that even fools me
even though i always fail
i still try to please everyone and prevail

i’ve seen the way others look at me
cold, disgusted, or expressionless
if i’m too happy, i’m too exhausting
if i’m too sad, i’m just not worth the time
i juggle my emotions because you struggle to control yours
and i blame myself for the issues i haven’t ever caused
do you see that your lies are bigger than mine?
acting like you enjoy being my friend, but talking about me like i’m trash behind my back

[outro]
(hey have you heard what they said about you?)
(they are saying that you’re really annoying now)
(is it true?)
(uh, they say all you do is talk and talk and never shut up)
(but i don’t really believe them)

- samuel arroyo lyrics

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