monkey farts - seamus kennedy lyrics
[verse 1]
my father came here from his home in ireland
he was quiet, but they said that he was wise
he and mother did their best, gave us a home and all the rest
but to talk to us he never had the time
sure he’d say, “pass the b*tter,” or “come here young man,”
or, “keep quiet,” or, “no, you can’t have a dime.”
until the day that i was leavin’ when dad finally found a reason
for sharing his philosophy of life…
[chorus]
he said: “a monkey fart should smell like a banana
an english fart should smell like cups of tea
the farting of a fairy should be very light and airy
when a father farts i hope you’ll think of me
an irish fart should always lilt with laughter
it should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well
a lion’s fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour
a nun’s fart should have meaning but no smell
a strong man’s fart should sound off like a trumpet
a pretty girl’s should barely even squeak
but the person you can trust is the one who’d rather bust
than ever let one rip right on the street.”
[verse 2]
now from my old man this really was an earful
i tried to understand just what he meant
his words were primitive but strong so i wouldn’t get them wrong
he was saying to be careful as i went
he was saying to be happy as i could be
he was saying watch myself, and as i pass
beware who i look up to and whatever else i might do
know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas…
[chorus]
he said: “a monkey fart should smell like a banana
an english fart should smell like cups of tea
the farting of a fairy should be very light and airy
when a father farts i hope you’ll think of me
an irish fart should always lilt with laughter
it should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well
a lion’s fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour
a nun’s fart should have meaning but no smell
a strong man’s fart should sound off like a trumpet
a pretty girl’s should barely even squeak
but the person you can trust is the one who’d rather bust
than ever let one rip right on the street.”
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