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i fucked the ham - the boot scootin' sissies lyrics

[verse 1]
that b*tch took the truck, the dog, and the gun
took my boots, my smokes, my ps1
left me with nothin’ but crumbs and a can
and a holiday ham lookin’ thick, glazed, and tanned
so i snapped, lost grip, went full caveman
dropped my drawers and f*cked that ham

[chorus]
i f*cked that ham, yes sir, i did
b*lls*deep in that holiday dish
glaze on my thighs, honey in my beard
heard the mailman scream and disappear
ain’t lookin’ for pity, don’t give a d*mn
she took the kids, i f*cked the ham

[verse 2]
i nuked it warm, 98 degrees on the dot
didn’t want it burnin’, just tender and hot
cracked a beer, lit a candle low
slathered it thick with a jar of mayo
called it my baby and filled it up
the ham ain’t the only thing porked up

[chorus]
i f*ckеd that ham, yes sir, i did
l!cked the juicе off my upper lid
carved out love with a carving knife
i made that pork my second wife
so call it sick or call it glam
she took the kids, i f*cked the ham
[bridge]
i carved her a mouth and gave her a name
put her in flannel and played the long game
took her to dinner in my folding chair
folks looked weird, but i didn’t care
’cause when love is warm, wet, pink, and plump
you slide right in and give it a pump

[chorus]
i f*cked that ham, and i’d do it again
she’s sweet, she’s thick, she don’t pretend
she don’t b*tch, she don’t pack up
she just sits there, heatin’ up
so let her judge, that uptight tramp
she took the kids, i f*cked the ham

- the boot scootin sissies lyrics

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