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mythical frederick - tom smith (filk) lyrics

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[verse 1]
mythical frederick doesn’t exist
that’s why he’s got me so bl**dy p*ssed
clogged up the drain of my shower with hair
i can’t complain ’cause frederick’s not there

[verse 2]
mythical frederick ate all the jam
bought the wrong bread and bought the wrong ham
i get so mad when things don’t go right
’cause mythical frederick’s nowhere in sight

[bridge]
frederick locked my keys in my car
got me in fights with toughs at the bar
you’ve no idea what trouble i’m in
from my imaginary evil twin

[verse 3]
mythical frederick skimps when hе tips
he kissed the vicar full on thе lips
i can’t explain ’cause no one can see
mythical frederick did it, not me

[bridge]
people believe in santa, it’s true
the easter bunny, tooth fairy too
kids make up friends, so why can’t you see
i’ve got a made*up arch*enemy?
[verse 4]
frederick got me fired from my job
brainwashed my girl to think i’m a slob
i’ll go insane ’cause frederick, the louse
canceled the payments on my phone and house

[verse 5]
out in the street, half*froze in the snow
one act of vengeance before i go
i’ll do him in, but he won’t be missed
mythical frederick doesn’t exist

- tom smith filk lyrics

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