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adelaide's lament (film version) - vivian blaine lyrics

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[adelaide, spoken]
it says here

[adelaide]
“the average unmarried female
basically insecure
due to some long frustration, may react
with psychosomatic symptoms
difficult to endure
affecting the upper respiratory tract”

in other words, just from waitin’ around
for that plain little band of gold
a person can develop a cold

you can spray her wherever you figure
the streptococci lurk
you can give her a shot for whatever’s she’s got
but it just won’t work
if she’s tired of gettin’ that fish*eye
from the hotel clerk
a person can develop a cold

[adelaide, spoken]
it says here
[adelaide]
“the female remaining single
constantly in suspense
shows a neurotic tendency
see note”

[adelaide, spoken]
see note?
note

[adelaide]
“chronic, organic syndromes
toxic or hypertense
involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat”

in other words, just from wonderin’ whether
the wedding is on or off
a person can develop a cough

you can feed her all day with the vitamin a
and the bromo fizz
but the medicine never gets anywhere near
where the trouble is
if she’s gettin’ a kind of a name for herself
and the name ain’t his
a person can develop a cough
and furthermore
just from stalling and stalling
and stalling the wedding trip
a person can develop la grippe

when they get on the train for niagara
and she can hear church bells chime
the compartment is air*conditioned
and the mood sublime
then they get off at yonkers racetrack
for the fourteenth time
a person can develop la grippe

[adelaide, spoken]
oh, la grippe

[adelaide]
la postnasal drip
with the wheezes and the sneezes
and a sinus that’s really a pip

[adelaide, spoken]
achoo!

[adelaide]
from a lack of community property
and a feeling she’s getting too old
a person can develop a bad, bad cold!

- vivian blaine lyrics

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