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one handed wanker - wildthing lyrics

‘sh-ggy, are you in there?’
‘i’m, uh, uh busy right now, i’ve got”
‘oh my god!’

‘ughhhhh’

oh no! mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
dreamin’ about the girl next door
picture this i was workin’ that gherkin
shoulda’ locked that bedroom door
how could i get caught while was i pickin’up a pound of meat?
all this time she was standin’ there
i’m polishing my good friend pete

when you are young man you need a little thrilla
keep a dirty magazine underneath your pilla
you never admit when you tenderize your steak
or when you been wrestling with a one-eyed snake

a box a kleenex on the counter
i was in heat
a tube of lotion on the sofa
to beat my meat
hear my breathing getting louder
i was in heat
all the sudden it was over

mommy came in and she caught me one handed
lookin’ for the unicorn
‘mom, geez!’
picture this i had roped that pony
had him in a tug of war
how could i be casual while the general salutes my feet?
and the bishop he was standin’ there shiverin’ for lack of heat
‘come on, lil’ fella’
can you tell that i am embarr-ssed for that shame that i caused?
so that purple headed warrior will have to be flogged

when you start to stimulatin’ your little fella’
you’re strokin’ that bat like a young lou piniella
you’ll never get a real woman, ain’t no way
but you can play choke it with the chicken all day

mommy came in and she caught me one-handed
dreamin’ about the girl next door
picture this i was working that gherkin
shoulda’ locked that bedroom door
how could i get caught while was i pickin’ up a pound of meat?
all this time she was standin’ there
i’m polishing my good friend pete.

- wildthing lyrics

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