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boyish - youth novel lyrics

you made it subtle, with feigned indifference; appearing blank but not quite empty
i raised a glass to our shore town
you called me boyish, and left me to think about it
i’m not your pharmacist, or the man who made you sick
i clasped you in the palm of my hand yet you fell through the cracks in my fingers

unfinished paintings litter her bedroom
under the surface i picture my figure
glossed over collages of sapphire, i lay latent, neither treated nor varnished
abandoned brushes, with bristles all matted, are left to dry on the floor of your attic
convinced there was so much else to tend to, i dried halfway to life on her dresser

so i crawled into your head and i robbed you of your sleep, while you resurrected me just for closure and relief
my nerves paused to take a breath, as if asking for a truce, while you resisted love to fuel trustafarian pursuits
that same night i dreamt of you, the earth shook me to my core
gold thread wrapped around my neck as i collapsed onto the floor
on a highway far away, i indulge my former self, tracing back my every step to remember what i lost

- youth novel lyrics

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