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lirik lagu j x – barry ii

trouble with the trolley aye

[hook]

to dear the old me
i know that you’re lonely
and i know that you’re stressed
but keep on giving your best
and i’ll figure out the rest
love
j x

[verse one]

i have changed
so much
from the person i was just five years ago
i have evolved
it’s crazy to look back and visualise all of the growth
i’m changing in ways i never imagined
nineteen year old me just could not have fathomed
a world i can live in where happiness isn’t a ration
not wearing my cloak of depression
pretending that it was the highest of fashion
i’m sitting here thinking bout my whole discography
honestly
i wrote some songs like somebody shoulda been watching me
copying
all of the vibes that nf’s the search was offering
hoping that someday that i could provide it to someone who’s constantly grovelling
seriously
listen to ‘joshua hall’
and tell me you don’t think i gave it my all
a song that i wrote
with a frog in my throat
as i showed the way pain can be building a wall
at least in the song i had someone who wished they’da called
and then there’s ‘depressed’
a song i still think to this day is the best
i wrote that in covid
ironically nearing the end
of my episode
the one where i’m thinking i’m finally friends
with the
organ inside of my head
not really knowing that it was pretend
eighteen months later i’m back with ‘depression’
a worrying trend
i thought that the sadness was over
but i got rejected from job after job after job
that all i was seeing was light at the end of the suicide tunnel come closer
my life was a flop
and all i could think of
was nineteen year old josh
and how he’d been happy with just a degree
but now all i see
a3 piece of paper that’s not worth the bark that was cut from the tree
[verse two]

i think it be stupid to think i’m immune from depression occurring again
once you’re an addict
you’re always an addict
you just learn to cope on the mend
cause i was an addict
i love how it felt when i punished myself for not being a ten
but now i’m in rehab
i give myself grace for mistakes and i know that i’m doing the best that i can
i’m making new music
improving with every song that i write
and i cannot wait for the night
that i turn on the tv to see that obama be bumping my song on a flight
he saying like “marvellous flow for an aussie who’s white”
and plugging my album for best of the year
man that’d be the life
i got all these dreams that i’m gonna accomplish
i promised obama’s
wife

[hook]

to dear the old me
i know that you’re lonely
and i know that you’re stressed
but keep on giving your best
and i’ll figure out the rest
love
j x
[outro]

avatar the last airbender is my favourite show
and i must have watched every episode a hundred times
the show has so many quotables
but the one that always went over my head was when uncle iroh said “i poured your tea because i wanted to, and for no other reason”
and it wasn’t until today that i finally understood what he meant
in life, you should be a good person and do things for people because you want to
not for any ulterior motive
not for any favour in return
not because a religion told you to
not because society told you to
then apply this theory to yourself
be nice to yourself because you want to and for no other reason
speak positively of your body
quit that job that you hate
book that expensive holiday you’ve always wanted
only through finding joy in being a good person to others and yourself
will you achieve actual and long lasting happiness
become a good person because you want to
and for no other reason

- barry ii

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