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lirik lagu eighteen – big meeg

[intro]
yeah, yeah, yeah
wrote this sh*t today (i hate myself, compulsively, contemplate that belt)
some sh*t i wanna get off my chest
hey, its big meeg, anybody wanna help me?
(ask me if i’m okay, boy gotta poster face, she don’t wanna see em between two)

[verse]
man
i look in the mirror and i just hate myself
compulsively contemplate that belt
like, what the f*ck my mind?
they try an offer help, say i don’t take it, well…
how the f*ck can i tell a stranger what i do all day?
how the f*ck i’m supposed to list every pill i take?
list the dosages to ’em, you should see their face
every*time i answer, then they ask my age
it’s like ‘hey, i’m big meeg, i’m 18, i’m addicted to everything
but codeine almost everyday’
mention it most, it’s the catchiest
but i bought tramadol, had stop the oxy sh*t
even i was k!lling too much pain
as i cope with the opium and smoking the dope, my real problem them benzos
complicated cause i need it the most
but the lows comes with highs, and see
honestly, worst anxiety you’ve ever seen
but when i was young, the doc would never give to me
so the nerves got worse, and the pain got worse
denied prescribed, so i just aged with hurt
by the time i was 15 i’d done tried everything they’d done offered to me
antipsychotics got me trembling, and i’m not even seeing things
man why the f*ck you offer me this?
antidepressants just amping my stressing
they say i gotta keep taking if i wanna see progress
so i just still keep with the schedule
i pop on the regular, this still just the medical
but 10 years and this sh*t still hurt
as if it would change off a single pill…
i would’ve grabbed those if i could but by then i’m smoking gelato backwood
you tell a single doc you smoking pot
suddenly you a monster
and you ain’t getting no help
especially not off that shelf
so this sh*t fell in my own hands
i gotta medicate myself…
know the xans k!lled peep
and they’ll probably k!ll me
but holy sh*t, without them
i would’ve k!lled myself
my dosage keep going up
i need this to work
i need this, please
i need to escape my h*ll
’cause if the pills don’t work…
then i got nothing else, man
sedate myself
hate myself
everyday, contemplate that belt
everyday, f*cking fail everyone and i fail myself
i be trying to change…
importing chemicals into my brain
switching and mixing drugs, can’t feel the same
these detailed descriptions, i cannot explain
essential dopamine, like this prescription ‘caine
life pressure crushing me
i gotta drop my dame
family watching me
i talk to my mom today
but like… what the f*ck am i supposed to say?
when you ask me if i’m okay
i’m at rock bottom, i say i’m great
she always said i’m ‘handsome’, poster face
she just don’t wanna see that face between two dates
badasses
blowing up, like a ceiling fan
young and dying
feeling old my man
vodka in the sprite
can you hold my can?
taking these xans like they anacin
confessing the dosages
codeine 200m
and the xans about 8 or 10
8 or 10 two milligram
fomo
why i’m living man?
blackout, wake up in the ambulance
bumming off my boys when i’m outta of ambien
they smoke pot, but they more like family men
so they never really have that strong candy man
i can’t even sit with my f*cking family man
without a panic attack, feel like i’m strangling
so i’m on the fence when i need to get high
cured or i die, now its time for diazepam
forgetting the lesson i’ve been learning man
cause i pop a xan just to relax for the rapping man
think about life, like i don’t know what happened man…
i look back like…
i’m not even mad at them
i’m mad at me
hate myself
sedate myself
so tired of crying!
sedate myself
does it work if i’m dying?
does it work if i’m dying?
sedate myself
[outro]
big meeg
18
someone save me
hey

- big meeg

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